Walking Out Of A Session

[RaiseYourGlass]

So I've just started talking about the details of my past abuse. These last couple of weeks have been really rough. This morning in therapy I was talking and I was at about a six (my t has me rate my anxiety). Then out of nowhere I had a flashback. Not bad. Just felt really panicked. Like I was watching it happen. But I had the overwhelming urge to get up and walk out of her office. I just say there in silence and finally said "I want to leave". She said she wanted to make sure I was safe so I stayed and let her talk for about ten minutes. Then she let me go.

I love my t and she's really good at making me feel safe but that was my first flashback in her office and it wasn't even that bad so now I'm worried if I talk more about the details and have a bad flashback I might really get up and walk out.

Has anyone ever done this? Just walked out of therapy? If so what did your t do?

 

[Leah123]

I have just ended therapy sessions when I got triggered or things felt too intense. My therapist patiently waited a bit to see if I would return, then went on to her other obligations for the day. She welcomed me back warmly next time and sometimes I'd add a session earlier if I needed it. I'd also often send emails in between to reconnect and sort out all the stuff going through my head. It is hardest early on. After a year of doing really intensive trauma work and therapy, those type of situations are less common and much easier to deal with.

I suggest you talk to her about this, so you two have an understanding in case it does happen. Also, she can help you work on distress tolerance skills and grounding skills to help you feel a bit better when something like this comes up. It's painful and difficult no matter what, but I have found these ways to take the edge off do help.

 

[Samantha_38]

I have not just walked out. But I know what urge you are speaking of. It happened to me on Tuesday, and I have no idea why. We were not discussing anything that was too difficult for me to discuss, but I got this overwhelming urge that I didn't want to be there at all anymore. I did the exact same you did. I completely shut down, which I have a hard time saying much of anything anyways. My therapist noticed, and actually said I needed to come out of my shell and talk to him. I had basically stopped completely by that point, and it has been awhile since I shut down that bad.I never said anything to him about it. I switched the subject and I did come back a little more, although it wasn't the best day I've had in therapy lately, that's for sure. I did stay the whole time.

I have had the fear of thinking about what happened if I just walked out. I asked him about it. He reassured me he wouldn't chase me or anything, and he'd just hope that I'd feel comfortable enough to contact him when I felt safe again. He's also always said, from day one, I don't have to be there for any longer than I want. I have had one pretty bad dissociation/flashback in front of him. I didn't walk out. Actually I don't really know what I did, because I lost time, but he was really supportive afterwards.

I would think if you did walk out, it would be the same for your therapist. She wouldn't chase you. That would make it so much worse. I don't know if you talk to your therapist at all in any other way, I email mine, but she'd probably just wait for you to contact her. Or she might try to contact you another way after awhile just to make sure you are ok. I don't think anything really terrible would happen though.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Yes I did exactly this in a session and My T reacted in the same professional and caring manner as your.s

 

[StellaBlue]

I walked out of my session on Tuesday.

 

[Sarah2732]

I think your T and you both handled that really well. It must have been really hard to stay for those 10 more minutes when you really wanted to go, but it seems like that would give you enough time to not be leaving on a particularly bad note, and not leave the office with the last memory made there being the flashback.

Do you feel like you might be able to make a plan? I know not everyone would be able to, but personally I find my word really, really binding, so I could make a commitment to my T and me early on that "I will never walk out", and because of that commitment, I never did. (Part of my issue with walking out, though, was because the first time I tried therapy, years earlier, I terminated by walking out in the middle of a session)

Perhaps you could plan, with your T, a gameplan for when you feel that way? You could make a list with your T about thinks ok to do or talk about instead of leaving when you want to leave. That might include grounding exercises when appropriate or shifting gears and doing something that totally didn't involve talking or therapy- like drawing/coloring or putting together a puzzle or playing a game, etc.

 

[RaiseYourGlass]

Thanks for the advice Sarah. We haven't worked on grounding techniques at all because like I said I had never had a flashback in front of her and I don't think she knew how bad the flashbacks can get. She thought it was mostly just dreams about what happened. But I will definitely come up with a plan next week.[DOUBLEPOST=1402598051,1402597979][/DOUBLEPOST]

I walked out of my session on Tuesday.

What did your t do, if I may ask?

 

[GWhizz]

@RaiseYourGlass I'm pretty new to therapy but one of the reasons why I have not yet fully opened up to my T, is my fear of triggering myself into a flashback. I'm REALLY self conscious and afraid that I would run out.

Last week she wanted to know specifically what surgery I had had. It was related to childhood sexual abuse and I told her if she knew I wouldn't be able to come back, I'm too ashamed. She said she was really saddened for me by that. I'm so afraid of getting into things with her tomorrow and feel like I may run out if I have a flashback. Well done for you and your T for handling it so well and sticking out the ten mins. I agree with @Sarah2732 - that's a great idea to have a gameplan and to try to come to some former agreement in such an event arising. I might actually steal this idea and suggest it to my T tomorrow. Thanks!!

 

[KwanYingirl]

I have had many difficult flashbacks during therapy. I am anxious whenever it is therapy day. My at stays with me and if I don't call it quits, he always spends the last ten minutes reorienting me to the present.

Sometimes I am in such a flashback, all I can do is hold myself and tremble. This hasn't happened for a long time. I go to a trauma specialist and he handles my PTSD expertly. I can email or call him if I need to between sessions.

 

[StellaBlue]

What did your t do, if I may ask?

We had just spent about 10 minutes in total silence with my anxiety rising and rising...I was afraid I was going to have a full blown panic attack, so I just kind of whispered that I needed to go and he said OK...so I left.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I literally ran out of the office today. It was after a group and we were sort of processing it together- just my therapist and I- and I ran out. I said I needed leave and then I got up and ran out. I had a major panic attack at the car and when she came out she helped me calm enough to drive. I haven't recovered completely from everything yet, but I am super embarrassed.

 

[ellienad]

I've never walked out of a session but I've wanted to. One time my T noticed that I was becoming anxiety ridden and she asked what was happening for me. I just blurted out that "I feel like I want to bolt out the door". Her response was actually "What's stopping you?" It completely took me by surprise at first, but then I was able to explain that I was completely frozen (as in my body just would not not move) and I couldn't walk out even if I wanted to. It made for a very productive session actually. We ended up talking through things and I was able to get to the end of the session and leave safely.

When I feel like leaving I'll usually say so, and she allows me to leave the room for a few minutes (to use the restroom, take a breather, etc) and then come back and process things. Or we leave "together" and take a walk real quick, which has been unexpectedly helpful!