Want To Be Intimate Again-any Suggestions?

[Johnic73]

Hi, I've been in therapy for over a year trying to work through certain childhood traumas and recent sexual traumas. Also, it's almost been a year since I've let myself be intimate with someone. I've avoided it at all costs, so that I don't end up in any situation where I could get hurt again. I'm young about to turn 21, and I wish I could reach a point where I can enjoy sex again, but I don't know how to get there. Casual sex used to be fun for me and starting new relationships was welcomed. Now, I'm afraid to even come close to anything like that. I'm scared I won't be able to find my old self again. I crave an intimate relationship that involves respect and love (exact opposite of my last one). Does anyone have any advice as how to ease myself into not being so afraid to initiate relationships again?

Also, I apologize if this was too vague of a post. This is my first post ever, so feel free to ask me to make clarifications!

Thanks :)

 

[keifer]

I might suggest you look for a guy as a friend first then move to best friend whom you can trust without question.

 

[open eyes]

Are you male or female & are you interested in males or females?

 

[Johnic73]

Oh sorry! I am female interested in males. I was in an abusive relationship with a male though, who was also my best friend. This makes it complicated for making connections with guys even in general so far, since my abuser was close to me emotionally and sexually. I have considered what being with women would be like, but I have experimented with that in the past, and I definitely prefer men.

 

[open eyes]

That's good you've at least experimented with women. A lot of people won't even give it a chance.

I guess the most important thing is not to force yourself. Let it all come naturally & you'll feel much better about whatever happens.

 

[Johnic73]

Thanks for the input open eyes and keifer. Being forced isn't an option for me anymore. I am determined to not let that happen ever again. Hopefully, time and therapy will get me there! Thank you again.

 

[The Albatross]

Congratulations on recognizing and endeavoring to deal with this issue in your 20's. I just restarted therapy with a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist who specializes in sexual dysfunction (I am in my early 50's now).

I recommend: Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
(here's the Resource page from their site)

 

[Johnic73]

Oh excellent! Thank you. I will definitely check it out. And thanks for the congratulations! I mainly started therapy for childhood trauma I went through, and my therapist kept trying to push me to talk about the guy I was seeing because she saw how unhealthy it was. At the time, I refused to admit what he was doing to me or that I wasn't in control of the situation, so it took until about 6 months ago for me to stop seeing him and face the issue in therapy. I am also a psychology major hoping to pursue graduate school at some point, so therapy has always been something I strongly support even for myself. Thank you again for your input and good luck to you with your CBT!