Sexual Assault Was A Sexually Abused As A Child???

[Friday]

@Shanley

One thing too... You don't know what happened once... But you do very much know years and years of trauma that followed when you were older. The abuses & abusive relationship. The beatings. The rapes. Things that, if you didn't have PTSD already? More than qualify to have given you PTSD several times over. And then a whole 'nother list of huge stressors (giving up your baby, enforced homelessness, etc.) which any single one can cause a person huge difficulties.

All of these things rate therapy, and rate help. Each and every single one of them.

 

[MariaTPhD]

I was sexually abused as a very young child. I remember some of it but there is clearly some I do not recal...

I would suspect the real person who should determine whether they want to explore the memory is the person him- or herself. Clients often know intuitively what they need. I would be unlikely to encourage memory retrieval simply to prove or disprove abuse. I would encourage it if the individual seeks to explore this. It should always be client directed, therapist or not.

 

[Ivan the Elder]

Yes, I agree with that. In my case though I simply could not decide if there would be any benefit in trying to find out more from myself. I have not thought so in the past but I also have not been with a therapist in the past since I was 16. When I was 16 I spent about six months in intensive group and individual therapy but it was to investigate Asperger's Syndrome, not abuse. I very clearly am the Asperger type and at a very high level. I have taught myself over my life to act reasonably well in social circumstances but it is still, even now, a part act and not my real self.

Being the Asperger type makes abuse far more difficult to deal with. We (Aspies) do not understand very well what may be just our "fault" in how we deal with others and what is really the others abusing us. We have a strong tendency to blame ourselves even when we do not deserve it. Many people do not realise that Aspies are very highly emotional but we try to hide it as much as we can. We just do not know what is appropriate to display and what isn't so we try to hide it all.

 

[MariaTPhD]

Yes, I agree with that. In my case though I simply could not decide if there would be any benefit in trying...

Shame seems to be part and parcel with the early abuse some people experience. Adding Asperger's to that mix must really be a challenge. I am doing my dissertation on Autism and the Catholic Church (my son has moderate autism...didn't speak until 5) and this is actually one of the most often expressed concerns for parents...how to protect their children from sexual predators. If my son had experienced what I experienced as a child, I am not sure he would know how to tell me. The idea that it might have actually been done by a parent is beyond my comprehension. It is too dark to even contemplate. I am not judging the parent who does, because they were likely abused as a child too, but I just cannot allow myself to consider it. It results in a visceral reaction in me.

 

[Ivan the Elder]

My abuse was finally stopped when my parents divorced. I was 16 and able to leave what was no longer a home at that age because in California at that time it was age sixteen when you could leave and the police would no longer return you to whomever was your "parent". When I was free from abuse I made a vow to myself that I would never in any way hurt another person as long as I lived. I also vowed I would never break a promise, including any vow I made. That was a large part of what jump started my PTSD earlier this year. It had never occurred to me (I know, just stupid) that my vow of marriage could be broken for me. It just never seemed possible that it could happen and after over 44 years together it seemed that I was right. I certainly was not right. When my X told me that "when you get home I will not be there" my mind went into meltdown. I was showing clear symptoms of PTSD within days, including severe startling and screaming in dreams.

My abuse came from my father, his mother and to a small degree from my mother's mother. My mother tried to save me some times and that was the reason for their divorce. Unfortunately that just made things worse because it resulted in total abandonment of me for the first time. Neither was able to provide a good home. I did not live very well at various times after that including living in places where you had to watch where you walked to prevent stepping in somebody's blood. I sometimes lived with hookers and junkies although I never did either. I got out of that by volunteering for the Army and prevented the possibility of having to hurt people by becoming a medic.

I did not have a good childhood. I made absolutely sure that our children did. I worked two jobs and even three at times to insure that my wife would be able to stay at home with our children and raise them under our care. I would have very willingly been the one to stay home but I was able to make a lot more money so I was the one that worked.

Our children had a very good childhood and know nothing about any form of abuse.They have both done very well in life and both have very good children too. I do not understand why some people that were abused continue it. It made me absolutely resolve that it would stop the moment I could make it stop for me.

 

[RussH]

Our children had a very good childhood and know nothing about any form of abuse.They have both done very well in life and both have very good children too. I do not understand why some people that were abused continue it. It made me absolutely resolve that it would stop the moment I could make it stop for me.

So very true!

 

[shimmerz]

In my case though I simply could not decide if there would be any benefit in trying to find out more from myself.

This. ^^^ I went through about a year of therapy not knowing whether I 'wanted to know' about the issues prior to my adoption. I spoke to my therapist for a long time about this. He said 'not yet'. He advised that I know how to ground myself, to get used to the idea that something may have happened, because it may well be all too much.

I did wait (4 years actually) and the day I went to Children's Aid (even learning stuff in those 4 years), I was shocked into --- I don't know what. I was very happy that I waited to learn about it.

I suggest looking at this as a part of your healing. I can see a warning in your posts #6-9. It is overwhelming to you right now (as it would be for anyone). A good therapist will be able to judge when you are ready and more importantly, help YOU recognize when you are ready. Little bits was something that was difficult for me to get to. It was a very important lesson though.

Good luck with the job!

 

[Ivan the Elder]

I am not following what you mean by "your posts #6-9".

 

[shimmerz]

Sorry @Evan, I was actually speaking to the OP's question, although I used a quote from your post as it struck me as an issue that helped me.... my apologies for any confusion.

 

[Ivan the Elder]

OK, thanks. I see now I was very confused.

 

[shimmerz]

Sorry Evan. My mistake.