mtngirl2006
New Here
Hi everyone,
I am new here and not really sure if I belong or not but I want to share my story.
Just a little background, I am 30 years old FINALLY receiving treatment for OCD, anxiety and depression issues. I have suffered most of my life from this being the child of a divorced family (parents divorced at age 10). I spent most of my childhood with my mother, but moved back in with my father at age 16.
My father has always been my major financial support over the years, and we have had a great relationship (besides the fact that he absolutely hates my mother). When my parents divorced and I would spend every other weekend at my Dad’s and I developed a habit of asking to sleep with him because I was scared. This wouldn’t happen all the time but when it did, he would let me sleep with him and always put a pillow between us. SIDENOTE: My dad is VERY VERY distant emotionally and I can count on one hand how many times he has actually hugged me or shown any physical sign of love with my mother or any of his girlfriends.
I have this memory in my head of one time waking up on one of the nights I slept with Dad and my underwear were around my knees. He of course was asleep, pillow still between us and all. I can’t remember exactly how old I was, maybe around 13 or so. I don’t remember anything else besides that, and I really deep down want to believe that I simply decided to take them off for whatever reason. I also did not have a habit of this behavior in the past.
My Dad has always treated me differently than my brother because I went through a lot of trauma and stress living with my mother (brother stayed with him). I don’t know if I am suppressing any encounter of abuse or it simply stands out in my head because it was so odd, but as I get older, I want to figure it out. I also did not start thinking of this until a few years ago, as it never really occurred to me before. My father has never done anything to me or my brother.. just has a habit of watching HBO porn too loud at night while we were sleeping. Not sure how to handle all of this and looking for any support or advice on the matter.
Thank you all.
I am new here and not really sure if I belong or not but I want to share my story.
Just a little background, I am 30 years old FINALLY receiving treatment for OCD, anxiety and depression issues. I have suffered most of my life from this being the child of a divorced family (parents divorced at age 10). I spent most of my childhood with my mother, but moved back in with my father at age 16.
My father has always been my major financial support over the years, and we have had a great relationship (besides the fact that he absolutely hates my mother). When my parents divorced and I would spend every other weekend at my Dad’s and I developed a habit of asking to sleep with him because I was scared. This wouldn’t happen all the time but when it did, he would let me sleep with him and always put a pillow between us. SIDENOTE: My dad is VERY VERY distant emotionally and I can count on one hand how many times he has actually hugged me or shown any physical sign of love with my mother or any of his girlfriends.
I have this memory in my head of one time waking up on one of the nights I slept with Dad and my underwear were around my knees. He of course was asleep, pillow still between us and all. I can’t remember exactly how old I was, maybe around 13 or so. I don’t remember anything else besides that, and I really deep down want to believe that I simply decided to take them off for whatever reason. I also did not have a habit of this behavior in the past.
My Dad has always treated me differently than my brother because I went through a lot of trauma and stress living with my mother (brother stayed with him). I don’t know if I am suppressing any encounter of abuse or it simply stands out in my head because it was so odd, but as I get older, I want to figure it out. I also did not start thinking of this until a few years ago, as it never really occurred to me before. My father has never done anything to me or my brother.. just has a habit of watching HBO porn too loud at night while we were sleeping. Not sure how to handle all of this and looking for any support or advice on the matter.
Thank you all.
