Sexual Assault Was It Rape?

[Shygirl]

So me and my boyfriend were both pretty horny and we started doing the touching, feeling each other up, fingering, blow job, make out type stuff

About part way through I was just suddenly not turned anymore and I said, "Stop "

He says, "give me a good reason"
Me : " I don't want to"
Him: "But I know you like it." Continues actions. They get rougher, which generally I like but right in that moment I don't.

I'm pretty much using all my strength to try and stop him whulst saying, "no.", "please stop" with my eyes watering (which he doesn't notice). Then after a couple minutes he sighs and goes,

"Fine"
I say, "I'm sorry"
He says, "it's fine"
I ask, "are you sure?"
He says, "Yeah it is, not like I have a choice in the matter."

I gave him a kiss and went off to bed and just cried. (He'd be heartbroken if he knew this)

I did get a message from him asking how I am, i responded, "I'm good, why?" But yet to have a response.

I'm sore down there but I have been sensitive from earlier in the day when we had sexual interaction.

Is it rape?
How should I approach him about this??
I don't know what to do.

 

[Friday]

Doesn't sound like it. Sounds like you asked him to stop & he stopped. Was there a little bit of negotiation? Yes. Is that completely normal? Also, yes. But you two had a conversation about stopping, you even half went back on it / giving him the maybe option to continue if he wasn't fine with stopping, and he took you no as completely serious "Yeah it is, not like I have a choice in the matter." That's not rape & not sexual assault. That's a partner respecting your wishes. A person doesn't have to be happy about stopping, in order to stop.

 

[Kintsugi]

I disagree with Friday. He didn't initially stop until you continued resisting to the point of tears, and he in fact became more insistent. Whether you want to call it rape is a personal choice to me. Was there some level of nonconsensual penetration? Yeah, I think so. What would I do? Level firmer boundaries that stop means stop, even if you usually like it rough etc. No escalation. No continuing. I say this because you sound young, and in my experience, someone who pushes these boundaries can easily escalate if left unchecked.

Would I shame the hell out of him? No. But I wouldn't sweep it under the rug, either, especially since you seem upset.

 

[joeylittle]

You need to show him your post and talk to him about it.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I like both previous responses. I won't personally respond on whether it was rape because my therapist keeps telling me that I give way too many passes to bad people and people in general that do me wrong. So, good luck. Set boundaries and if he ignores them, try to move on. Set a safe word too.