Was my therapist now my best friend

[Friday]

I will do ANYTHING not to have that feeling ever again.

So you know the negative version of that... the lengths you’re willing to go to.

Can you even imagine how completely badass the positive version of that could be??? :woot:

Take the same impulse and use it to propel you into truly amazing strength/joy.

:shifty: That this bitch has deliberately made you dependent on someone else (her) for what you could learn to do for yourself... so it’s can never taken away from you / is always with you and a part of you / can never be used against you... has her squarely on my permanent shit list.

 

[Friday]

This is a sorry/not sorry continuation... because I am about furious for you

Once she learned this about you? She could have taught you. Brought out the strengths of these traits (fierce determination, loyalty, etc.), helped you become even more of who you are. But no. Instead she exploits it. Uses you

No freaking WONDER your other friends are good enough anymore, that you need her to say the things the others say, feel like you don’t have a choice... she’s twisted things so that you’re always alone in the basemanet... without her. :sick: When the truth is? You never have to be in that basement again. Ever. You never have to wait again. Ever.

Do me a favor, please please please? Don’t let this bitch take everything good and amazing about you, and break it. Rise above & gain strength from knowing you can. Because even in the midst of seriously heavy manipulation

but I struggle everyday with the relationship and I am not sure why.

Your gut, your core, your self... has known something is wrong.

Your other friendships that you aren’t all twisted up over? And a thousand other things, all say that your judgement is spot on. You can trust yourself. Because even with a master manipulator at your most vulnerable you STILL saw through it. You just didnt know what you were seeing. But you saw it. And day in, and day out, you didn’t just ignore it but kept on the piece that was wrong, trying to figure out what it was. Whilst still doing what you do :D Same strength. Same determination. Same loyalty. She couldn’t touch those. Although she’s clearly tried.

I am soooooo excited for the places you are going. You have got some amaaaaaing strengths and skills and instincts.

 

[littleoc]

Signs of an abusive relationship with a therapist:

13. Therapist knowingly or unknowingly gets personal psychological needs met at the expense of focusing on you and your therapy.

14. Counselor tries to be your friend.

17. Therapist talks excessively about personal issues and/or self-discloses often without any therapeutic purpose.

31. Therapist encourages your dependency by allowing you to get your emotional needs met from the therapist. Therapist “feeds you fish, rather than helping you to fish for yourself.”

Taken from Dead Link Removed

I think that they might never applicable to you. You've already gotten amazing advice :)

 

[littleoc]

I think that they might never applicable to you

I'm sorry, I typoed. (Using a device with autocorrect.)

I meant:

"I think that they might be applicable to you."

Ignore the never.

 

[EveHarrington]

This is a sorry/not sorry continuation... because I am about furious for you

Once she learned th...

I just want to second the notion that good, positive friendships won’t have you twisted up inside.

And you know what?

Two different people may have two totally different takes on a friendship. One person may be twisted up inside over it while the other person is just fine. I mean saying theoretically that two different people could have the exact same friendship with a third person. What matters is that it has you upset inside. This is your moral code saying “hey, this is wrong and not good for me!”

I’ve come to realize that most of the time that little voice inside is right.

We all have things we don’t like about our friends, but at the end of the day, these differences shouldn’t make us conflicted.

 

[Bird33]

@Friday @EveHarrington @littleoc Thank you all! I really appreciate the support.
Friday it really feels good to hear you back me up.

I know what I should do I just wish I felt strong enough to do it. I think it’s the transference I felt when I was doing therapy with her. It has just continued. Plus I just felt so special bc she chose me and even put her license on the line. Plus she said she only lets a few people into her inner circle. I just have such mixed feelings and I go back and forth with getting angry and wanting out and needing her.

 

[Ronin]

Plus I just felt so special

But you are special, already. :)

Just being yourself.
You dont need to be special to her.
To someone who does not know how to treat people well even if a lightning stroke her.

And if all she is putting on the line for someone she considers so special is her license, she really aint trying enough for people.

 

[littleoc]

Plus I just felt so special bc she chose me and even put her license on the line. Plus she said she only lets a few people into her inner circle.

That sends big red flags up to me, even if it's true. Someone making you feel special in this context... maybe not the best. Because like @Friday said, you ARE special, and don't need to prove it or help her with it. :)

Oops, I meant @Ronin , although I'm sure @Friday had similar thoughts, lol

 

[Scarlet13]

Yes, I agree. The feeling "special" total red flag.
I think a friend can make you feel happy, strong, and gain a sense of identity, but special?
When I was molested by a babysitter, she made me feel "special".
This T is controlling you and manipulating you.
I think with your new T, come up with a tool box full of skills you can use in place of getting drawn in by her.
Those feelings that arise if you do not reach out?
You can tolerate those.
That is where strength comes from.
Tolerating discomfort. Tolerating being alone.
No one ever said having strength was easy.

 

[Bird33]

@Ronin @littleoc @Scarlet13 You’re all right, I shouldn’t need anyone else to make me feel special. Again this just happens with her. I have other friends that I am very close to and these feelings don’t come up. With her the feelings are so strong and I know I have to be strong. I am just really scared. I try talking to myself and say repeatedly and constantly that I don’t need her. It’s just really hard.

 

[Ronin]

It’s just really hard.

Maybe start with something else, for now?

That it’s okay you need her, but you will do as well without. Letting yourself know feeling that need is okay, you just don’t have to act on it, even if the feeling is still there.

& Bet it isn’t what she says, but how she says it and when she says it, or said it in the past. When you were vulnerable, and highlighting you are, when you were more aware you are. She is just someone who happened to be there, then, but is not who got you through. You was that.

 

[Sideways]

People that I kneejerk into replying to, when I know I need to set new boundaries with them? I create a simple rule for myself: if I get a message from them, I’m not allowed to reply for xx amount of time.

The amount of time varies on the situation and how I’m traveling. But it’s like trying to quit cigarettes. You go cold turkey? And for some people, that just means at some point you crack under the pressure and eventually binge. For me? That binge usually comes in the form of “I’m so so sorry it’s taken me so long to reply, please don’t hate me....” etc etc.

The time out? Means you aren’t ruling out replying, but it’s more likely you’ll reply with your head, rather than your emotions.

If need be? Get someone to read any and all replies before you send them.

Take it if it helps, try something else if it doesn’t:)