Was my therapist now my best friend

[Suzetig]

What @Friday said. All of it.

 

[Bird33]

@Junebug @EveHarrington @Friday @Stephernovas @Suzetig i think I have feelings but I guess I didn’t believe them. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and I guess I am a pushover. I know this comes from my childhood and from sexual abuse where I felt so alone with it. My mother knew it was going on but did nothing. The feeling of being so alone was so horrible that now when I start to think people are leaving me I panic. So that’s why I think I just take anything. I have been trying not to respond to her and I can for a little while then that panic comes up and I respond.

 

[blackemerald1]

This is why you need your therapist right? Not your ex-therapist...

 

[Bird33]

@blackemerald1 yes you are right and we have been working on it but I don’t have the attachment with my new therapist that I have with my ex therapist. I am very comfortable with my new therapist and trust her but it’s different. In fact I have never had this attachment feeling before. I wish I didn’t, it’s horrible and controlling me. I would love for it to just go away or if I never met her in the first place. But it won’t go away and I have been working on it for a year or so. It’s better but it’s so frustrating. I would love any tips. I’m listening to what everyone is saying and I am going to try implementing them.

 

[UnicornSightings]

@blackemerald1 yes you are right and we have been working on it but I don’t have the...

I told you the trick. You have to leave the relationship before you will realize how f*cked up it is. You can do this. Don’t discount your strength.

 

[Ronin]

I felt so alone with it.

You are not alone.
You have you on your side.
Always had you on your side. Unfailingly.

No need for bastards when you have that best buddy, right on reach.

 

[Bird33]

@UnicornSightings @Ronin I am so scared to stop the relationship and I really don’t understand why. I don’t feel very strong at all. Normally I don’t ever let myself believe I really need someone so I’m not sure how this happened.

@UnicornSightings Can you explain what you mean when you said “ before you realized how f*cked up it is” ?

 

[Ronin]

I am so scared

That. That, alone, is your reason.
You can sort the rest as it comes, when you are out, already.
Enough time for that.

+ Reasons are not needed. You need out, you get out, that simple. You dont need reasons, and do not owe them to anyone.

 

[UnicornSightings]

@UnicornSightings @Ronin I am so scared to stop the relationship an...

I mean you’re IN IT. You’re in the haze of the relationship and can’t see how damaging it is. You can read our words but you’re so caught up in the feelings... Once you leave her and give yourself the time to feel the fear and grieve a bit you will get this awesome clarity on the whole situation. I’ve gone through it.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Also I feel like any time we feel something intensely it’s usually not a present-day experience. That HUGE fear you have seems to be rooted in the past and is keeping you in this damaging relationship. I’m guessing you had events in the past where you were afraid to leave someone you depended on or they left you when you really needed them. But you’re an adult now and you get to choose how you allow people to treat you and it seems like she is just being manipulative.

 

[Bird33]

@UnicornSightings You have gone through it? How did you get yourself to get out of it? I just don’t know if I can. I know it sounds ridiculous and if I could just leave I would but I am so scared to do that. I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it. Again I know how ridiculous it sounds but that is how I feel.

 

[Bird33]

@UnicornSightings yes your right about past stuff. It was my paternal grandmother. I feel if she was not around I would have never made it. I relied on seeing her every Sunday because I was abused by my maternal grandfather every Saturday. That was the only way I was able to get through the week was thinking of seeing her.
I know I put that on this ex therapist. When I was in therapy with her I felt like I had to see her to make it through the week. It was like that when we became friends too. It is better now, I’m working on it but it is still so strong.