Was my therapist now my best friend

[Bird33]

@Scarlet13 it’s good to hear that you are better able to listen and accept your thoughts as valid.

Everything you said is true it’s codependent, I’ve lost my sense of self, I don’t want to hurt her and I don’t want to make a mistake. I am trying to listen and believe myself.

@hithere thanks! This is very hard but I really want to do it.
And yes that is helpful to hear that it was abusive as soon as it went from therapist to best friend. All of these things people are telling me is helping. Thank you!

 

[ThisLifeIsBeautiful]

How are you doing @Bird33? just checking in :)

 

[Bird33]

How are you doing @Bird33? just checking in :)

We have still been messaging. I have not been able to tell her not to message me. I have not seen her though. I still think about her all the time but it is more just feeling so hurt and used. I wish I could just not think about her. It’s still a work in progress.
Thanks for checking in.

 

[mylunareclipse]

I have been reading along, but never commented!
I hope you are able to get out this abusive relationship as soon as possible!
I think sometimes the problem with abusers and predators ( as someone justly labeled your ex therapist) is that they are not always bad. It’s easy to label something as abuse when someone is just plain mean as abusive, it’s harder when that abuse comes with sweet words and drips of apparent kindness and love. You start to think am I crazy l, is it me? Maybe I am the bad one? This is just textbook gaslighting.
Second, I echo everyone’s comments that this is reflecting on your early relationships. Sometimes an easier way to resolve a situation is not the straightforward way. Maybe if you keep working on your attachment issues and childhood wounds you might find that this situation might resolve itself, and you might see the situation for what it is: abuse! A healthy attachment can show you that your are worth it and deserving and you’ll then be less likely to take abuse like this as the norm.
Lastly, I saw someone suggested to write a “thank you but no thank you letter”. I thought this was brilliant! You are not really thanking her you’re just trying to get rid of her. Sometimes with this type of people acting I emphasize acting like you have no bad feelings towards them is the best way to get rid of them, otherwise they keep getting some supply from you and won’t leave you alone. As she keeps getting an emotional response from you she will keep pushing. The more you tell her she is abusive the crazier she will get. Just leave as though you have no hurt feelings and work on this hurt feelings in your current therapy! She will NEVER understand. If you keep arguing with her it’s because a part of you still wants to resolve the situation and has a little hope that she’ll understand you one day. She won’t. She never will. I think this could also be part Replaying a childhood dynamic. Are you trying to get someone who doesn’t love you and abuse you to start loving you again so you feel worthy? You can also read about the grey rock method. About how appearing boring and with nothing to give as a good way to get rid of these abusive people from your life.
Good luck to you!

 

[hithere]

hang in there @Bird33 ! I understand that obsessive thinking about her... and the feeling used, and the hurt... I believe it will get better! I think it will get easier. Take care yourself!

 

[Bird33]

@wishforescape everything you said rings true to me. I think if she was always mean this would be easier. There is always hope it can go back to the way it was at the beginning. Plus bc I was the patient I always feel maybe it’s me maybe I am just overreacting.

I am working on my childhood attachment stuff. I think your right that she will never understand, I don’t know how many times over the years I brought stuff up to her and I have always regretted it. I have even said to myself don’t bother. I would love her to understand but I don’t think it will happen.
You also hit the nail on the head when you asked if I was trying to get someone to love me that was abusive to me. That’s my mother. I still long for her acceptance and I still try even though I should just give up.
Thanks for the support!


@hithere it really helps to hear that you get it and o really appreciate your support!

 

[Justmehere]

I have not seen her though.

Well done!
What's your next step towards health?

 

[Bird33]

Well, it has happened we have not seen each other in a few months and I have not talked or texted with her in a few weeks. I’m seeing everything more clearly but I feel awful. She just blew me off when I wanted to talk to her about how i felt. I feel like everything she said was a lie. Then sometimes I panic and want to reach out to her but I have been able to remind myself of all the shit she did and said. It just really hurts that someone who knew all my stuff would then do something like this and hurt me in the same way. It makes me feel so damaged.

 

[Justmehere]

Wow! Well done!


You are not damaged. You are not broken. You went through an experience that was screwed up and broken. There’s a big difference even when it doesn’t feel that way. She tried to convince you that this was all due to your being broken and needing her... reject those messages.

I untangled from a wonky super unethical therpaist situation and seeing it more clearly hurts. It really does. That hurt, isn’t a sign you or me are damaged. It’s a response to what is screwed up. What would be really weird? If you were happy she lied.

It will hurt for a time. That’s part of the process of healing form what happened. Yeah, I know that’s not comforting at all. The grief and anger and pain and fear will shift and change. It stinks and it’s not fair you have to go through this. It’s why therapist’s like her are never supposed to do these things. What you feel now isn’t the way it will always feel. It will get better. So sorry you are going through this and I’m stinking proud of you for pulling away.

 

[Friday]

It just really hurts that someone who knew all my stuff would then do something like this and hurt me in the same way. It makes me feel so damaged.

You’re not God. Meaning that simply knowing you? Doesn’t make someone else a good person. Whether they know all of your stuff or none of it doesn’t affect what kind of person THEY are. The kind of person this woman is... is a highly unethical, manipulative, abusove bitch. Who trawled her patient list for victims, using and exploiting their vulnerabilities, when she was meant to be helping them, instead. No different from a gynecologist raping their patients in the stirrups, or an anesthesiologist kidnapping their patients once they were knocked out. SHE used her job to find you, and exploit you, instead of helping you. She’s the broken one.

 

[hithere]

@Bird33 Thank you for the update. three weeks without communicating is a big, big deal. I think you will have the deep feelings of wanting to re-connect with this woman for a while, and hopefully with more time and distance you'll see how hurtful it will be to return to the toxicity, and I'm cheering for you to keep your distance and heal.

I feel like I know exactly how you are feeling. What helped me the best was seeing how this mirrored my abuse and my desire to connect and be heard and be cared for as a child. When I connected those same feelings from childhood up to the feelings with my toxic therapist, I had a long grief session (that I'm still going through but at least I'm going through it.)

I'm cheering for you!

 

[Bird33]

@Justmehere thanks for the support! It does really hurt more now that I can see how it all played out. I feel so used. And everything she said just hurts more because now I know it was a lie. I’m sorry you had to deal with a wonky therapist too. It’s sad that you have to worry about that when you go see someone.

@Friday yes I can see that she is the broken one now. I guess I just thought if you were a therapist you would not want to hurt someone. You were supposed to help and she just did so much more damage.

@hithere I am seeing how this relationship mirrored my abuse and it is bringing up so much shit from the past. This is causing so many feelings from my past that are very difficult. I am grieving and trying to take care of myself. A lot of hot yoga, runs and walks with a few drinks mixed in. I’m sorry you are still grieving but glad you are moving forward too. Can I ask how long it has been.

Thank you all for the support I would not have been able to do it without it!