Ways to combat shame

[mumstheword]

well duh.. I've been saying that all along. :hug:

It's hard to keep believing the good when I've experienced so much of the not good in people and society, but I do want to.
I do believe I'm a good and loving person, now, but I don't think that makes me safe.

I do have safe people in my world now though, and some safety in some places.

My shame I will work on in therapy and here and keep building my capacity to care for myself, forgive myself and empower myself.

The shame I feel, I think, comes from a sense of failure to protect myself, support myself and create good opportunities through wise and kind-to-myself choices in my younger life, and for a long time.

I have to forgive myself though, I was too young and uncared-for to do, or know any better and nobody taught me I was worth loving until I was in my late 30's. I have so much catching up to do, in a lot of ways, but I also have some unique and amazing skills, as well.

It's hard to keep believing the good when I've experienced so much of the not good in people and so...

Also, thank you, lovely Freida. So kind. I truly appreciate your sweet and kind words and sentiments. :-)

 

[Ann Barry]

Before Brene Brown {who is goodl}, there was John Bradshaw {the brilliant original}.
His "Healing The Shame that Binds" book is excellent in my opinion

 

[ms spock]

The shame permeates me on so many levels, it is like it is in my blood, and circulating around my body. It doesn't take much to trigger it. And waves of it just keeps it coming.

I am listening to music in order to feel Gillian Welch "Orphan Girl" HSB 2015

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think the roots of my toxic shame was in remembering the awful things I did in order to survive and meet some unmet normal needs in an abnormal way. EMDR helped me to revisit these memories and look upon them with the compassionate view of the caring adult me.

I now feel some embarressment when I do something that goes against my beliefs so I am trying to root out my false beliefs and exchange them for better beliefs forming new standards based on them. There is more but I will stop here.

 

[Cyberluddite]

Ekhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" was extremely helpful in understanding how the shame of my past (the "pain-body" I sometimes mention) was a choice of acceptance or acknowledgement.

Dan Millman probably started the ball rolling, almost 20 years ago, when I read "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior". Honestly, it helped with eventually accepting that sometimes the catastrophic challenges we face are only the means to a greater end. But in order to see what we gain, we have to put our egos aside -- the most catastrophic yet rewarding challenge of all.

TedEx presentation videos definitely work, the presenters help with understanding why people do certain things that they wouldn't normally do. And motivational compilation videos on YouTube get my blood pumping and head focused enough to face the ghosts.

Plus, my dog is probably one of the best life coaches ever. She teaches me forgiveness, simplicity, and that shame is meaningless when there is grass to sniff, food to eat, and naps to take.

Life really is that simple.

 

[Freida]

I think the roots of my toxic shame was in remembering the awful things I did in order to survive

this is what I am just stuck at - even with EMDR. It's frustrating!

Honestly, it helped with eventually accepting that sometimes the catastrophic challenges we face are only the means to a greater end.

Anything that can help me see that is worth it! I'm gonna have to get that

 

[Ann Barry]

Ekhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" was extremely helpful in understanding how the shame of my past...

Think YOU & Others can find some hope-filled inspiration in 15 minutes with this:
YouTube, TEDx by Dolph Ludgren "On Forgiveness & Healing"

 

[Ann Barry]

I think the roots of my toxic shame was in remembering the awful things I did in order to survive and meet...

Maybe shame is turning into guilt? If "yes", then that's an improvement. Right?

 

[Cyberluddite]

Think YOU & Others can find some hope-filled inspiration in 15 minutes with this:
YouTube, TEDx by Do...

It definitely was a positive insight as to where my current progress is at, and will likely go if I continue not dwelling on the past. He's grown a lot, since accidentally putting Stallone in ICU during an unscripted 10-second sparring practice.

He's right though. There is healing in paying it forward. :hug: