Ways To Cope With Insecurity And Loneliness

[Tiger Kitten]

I have been having a really hard time coping with my insecurities. I think no one likes me. I think I don't deserve to breath the air. I'm terribly lonely as well. I am not making it out the door much right now. I know this is just a phase, but the loneliness has been going on for over three years now. The insecurities have been piling up and are about to explode in a spectacularly self destructive manner.

I am running out of ideas to cope with things. I try to go out and talk to other people, but a lot of times it doesn't work well and makes me feel worse. I am very cut off from everyone at the moment. I distract, I talk to myself, I make lists of positive things, I write my feelings out, I talk to the cats and the dog, etc.

I was just wondering when a self destruct button is about to be pushed how do you stop from pushing the button? I am fighting it will all I have, but it looks as though I am about to lose the battle. Any ideas or coping techniques shared will be appreciated.

Maybe I am just being a chicken little and claiming the sky is falling too. I really don't know. I just know that my reactions are all over the place and my emotions are doing the loopy loop thing and it's not evening back out. Just keeps getting a little further to the extreme and I don't know how to stop it this time.

Sorry about rambling on.

Tiger

 

[Farine]

Hello Tiger,
I am a Carer. I'm just floating around looking at posts tonight. I saw yours. You asked "When a self destruct button is about to be pushed, how do you stop from pushing the button?"

I"d like to think your future self was enough. I mean, you might live on and have a child or children. You might create vital links with other up and coming sufferers that dramatically enhance their lives. Your professional life could be a multi-hued splendor of capacity once you had some edges on the dreck. You might be loved by hundreds of people because I believe there is an epidemic of harshness out there.

Think of it this way. If everyone knows 200 people or so, think about how many of your friends or family who have stories of pain. Multiple that out to the general population of your state or city or even country. That's a LOT of hurt people. We need to stick together. That's one of the reasons why I like this forum. Once I get the hang of creating a proper post. It's a work in progress.
So, allow me to dream a little bit if you can't quite see the next minute let along a year or so along. I think that you have come much farther than someone who declares to one and all that there's nothing at all the matter with them! As long as they deny their trauma, it will continue to call the shots. I believe you will find your way through the wilderness.

I sincerely, earnestly hope this helped a smidge.
Farine

 

[Tiger Kitten]

Oh, I meant the destroy my life and make it a total mess type of button. Not an end it all type button. Sorry for the misleading analogy there. I am not thinking about suicide right now. Just to get the clearly stated.

My self destruct button just makes a lot of people around me very unhappy, and usually ends up with me being in a much worse situation then where I started. I just get so frustrated at not being able to see clearly through the insecurities and the self imposed isolation. I am trying to avoid hitting the totally screw everything up button.

I am trying to believe there is a future out there for me. That is why this time I am resisting hitting the self destruct button. I don't really have a grasp on what a future is though. That is something that is pretty common with ptsd.

Tiger

 

[Farine]

Ahhh, well at least I understand better. Tiger, I'm really glad you are resisting making a bigger mess.

I have two girls who occassionally get into adolescent angst (not that this is anywhere near as intense).. it's similar in that they can't see what a future for them would be like. They're 10 and 9 and sometimes everything seems so wrong...

For me, when it is me where I don't see the process working out, I give myself permission to have a 5 mile an hour day. I do something I enjoy and let everything else have a day off. I am hoping that the contact on the board would help with the isolation. I've seen your posts in my travels here. Maybe it might be a good discussion to talk about interacting with non PTSD folks. They are a different breed of people, after all....When you were talking about intereacting, was it with just anyone? What qualities would meet those connection needs?

Farine

 

[Tiger Kitten]

I wish I was grown up enough to have adolescent angst sometimes. I am more along the lines of about a four year old. Everything is the end of the world or the best thing ever. What's really fun is when it switches so fast that even I can't keep up with it. The have a joke about the Indiana weather. Don't like the weather wait five minutes it will change. That is very similar to my moods. Except five minutes would be mood stability compared to normal for me.

It's not so much that I have trouble interacting with non PTSD folks. It's an inability to feel as though I connect to anyone. I really struggle with feeling that I am some sort of outcast. I can act as though I am normal. Most people cannot tell that I am unable to connect to them. People without PTSD aren't a different breed of people they just have the luxury of not having a Gremlin helping out in their head.

Honestly, I probably just need about a zillion hugs. That probably would do a lot to make me feel less all over the place.

Tiger

 

[I4C]

Hi Tiger Kitten, we are all at this site for a reason, or we would not be here. Here is a million hugs :Hug_emoticon:, it's a good start to a zillion.

 

[Tiger Kitten]

I4C, That made me smile thanks.

 

[Farine]

(((((TIGER))))) I understand the mood thing from watching the kids do it. *zipppp* I'm mad! :( .... *Schwooop!* I'm happy! :D..... You wouldn't throw me off with that. *bounce* I'm wired! *bounce* *bounce* Yup! I know all about that.

You have a point about not being a different breed.. I guess I said my point a bit too strongly. I just connect better to people who have had to emotionally struggle. It's way easier for me to be in relationship. I do have some friends who aren't 'that way'.. and we just talk about other things. Kids.. school.. creative stuff.. politics, religion.. I don't talk much about myself or life with them. About feeling like you don't belong.. the people who are trying the hardest to climb up the social ladder, don't feel that way either. I imagine most of the world feels like they are on the outside looking in. Odd, isn't it.

***Hugs, if ok****