Ways to meet the need for safe touch?

[Odoco]

I'm sorry if I misunderstood your intentions towards the other poster. I am sorry for any misunderstanding on my part to any of you. I'm done making an add out of myself by assuming things tonight. I'm not in a healthy headspace right now. So I am checking out of this conversation for a while. I did not mean for anyone to be hurt, offended, or upset. I apologize for anything I misunderstood, misspoke, or misinterpreted. Goodnight all.

 

[Odoco]

Ass not add...

 

[Ecelum]

I wish there were professional huggers :)

There are people who give away free hugs. It seems a little too creepy for me but to each their own. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_Hugs_Campaign

 

[Buza]

THe OP has a talk therapist. That therapist hopefully has good boundaries, which may involve a "No Touch" rule with clients.

If the OP talks to the therapist about touch and the need for it (because touch is a human need (cf Spitz research from the '50's) there can be a discussion about how to get that need met in a safe and well boundaries way that suits the OP's situation.

I found having the support of a good therapist is very helpful, particularly where there is a belief that no safe touch exists, or there's been a difficult experience in the past.

The problem with "professional" touch are similar to non-professional touch...... how does one know whether the person is there for you or there for the money/self-gratification? How good are they at intuiting needs and when to back off. THere is also an issue with dissociation/freezing where the person being massaged can't speak... any good bodyworker should spot this instantly, but many don't, because they're not connected to their client. Likewise there can sometimes be boundary issues in the client..... not feeling able to say No, ask for something different, or maybe just "pushing through", or even not wanting to look stupid or weak.

I found Reiki useful... OK so the OP specifically wanted touch.... but sometimes even being in a room with only one person is triggering enough..... this is where a good talk therapists guidance is very helpful.

 

[Ugib]

As Jesi indicates, massage ca be good. I found a good massage therapist, who was as much a therapist as a massage practit...

I also use massage. Due to car accidents (one cause of my ptsd) I needed it for pain. But as I withdrew more and more from touch, it became a safe way to be touched. I did not want to be without clothes. I am female and use female masseuse. But I wear a dress with back zipper. She unzips and undoes bra. I still have dress on and am fully covered in front. It helps me somehow.

I have tried dance. It was ok in class. But when people went out to dance in public, it was a problem. About only place locally was bars/nightclubs. Men would touch inappropriately. It felt like men saw it as a meat market and I ws so uncomfortable I stopped completely.

My dog died years ago. I would have a need to pet others dogs whenever I encountered one. I now have a dog again and it is my service dog. Letter from Dr who diagnosed ptsd. She said it was for sensory space issues. I now realize it is for touch also. Many things.

 

[Gamop]

OP, I completely understand your need for safe touch from your T you are attached to. I have struggled with this from both my psychologist and psychiatrist and I have received hugs from them both. I also HATE touch, but crave it intensely.
Having said that I think this could possibly two different aspects of craving touch. One aspect is the needs that come out if a paternal transference (the need to be cradled, soothed, and nurtured). You may be experiencing this aspect, and if so a hug from a stranger wont cut it. This is about your feelings and needs coming out in therapy, in which case talking about it with your T will help. I love my T so intensely that I yearn to crawl up inside of her. I have told her this and she has responded with words, tones and phrasing that indicates that I am cared for by her while still keeping boundaries and letting me know this is really about my mother.

The other aspect of safe touch you may be experiencing is the need to simply be touched in ways that are good and not abusive-in healing ways. For that I would suggest a reiki massage or cranial sacral therapy with someone you can trust. When I did this I went for a consultation first. Hope this helps.

 

[Homamu]

So glad all the abusive responses abated and this thread went back to a helpful tone. I love the original post. I have the same issue.

I also want to say I think many of you were really harsh and out of line with the person who questioned about 'no touch is safe'... he/she wasn't necessarily accusing anyone of being a predator. It was a rhetorical question meant to create reflection. How can so many people attack someone, accusing them of accusing someone else of being a predator, when the words predator were never even written? So weird. And so abusive. Your response was predatory by comparison. So often people that have been hurt think it's their right to lash out and hurt others. Pretty disappointing to see.

This is why I rarely come to this site. I would love the support but it too often comes with extreme baggage. Not worth it.

 

[Gawa]

I agree, that question was uncalled for. I understood what you meant by your statement and I'm sorry someone asked such...

Ridiculous. The question is not uncalled for. Your response is uncalled for.

 

[A D M I N]

Devolving into sniping at posters for the way they post = thread locked.