Our LDR guy and I (we) had a huge all day long argument, kicked off with him threatening suicide this err...last...morning and refusing to go to the ER...he's still blaming us for pushing him to be suicidal? Because our uterus went off, and so did we.
( I should add..our uterus was never that predictable or our periods that mood-consistent PRIOR to early forties. Sometimes okay, sometimes...Aaaaaaagh! Now that stuff is really like pulling a Fallopian handle and seeing if you get a really gross jackpot... Feckin' attack uterus...)
We apologized for being all ugly once we REALIZED we were being stupid, but off he went anyway, our fault for triggering him?
He's still mad at us for not coming over to see him. WE are still mad at us for not coming over to see him when we had time and money. But him whomping us with that doesn't help us feel good enough about ourselfs to crawl out of this f*cking pit so we can go get two jobs and earn the price of another goddamn ticket!
So it's actively counterproductive to keep making us feel shitty about something we already feel shitty about...We're poor, depressed, chronically ill in an annoying but not-enough-to-get-gub'mint-money way, we just have to drag our sick, depressed, CPTSD-ridden multiple ass to work.
Meanwhile he said a lot of awful stuff to us and my interior kids believe that. Because we love him? Loving anyone is like giving them the root password to our head, basically.
So now we feel like we need to kill ourselves because we are a giant bag of turds.
...We totally believe that.
He also says he's hurt because he can't talk about sexual stuff without being told it triggers us? At times, when it does...so he feels rejected.
So I told him I would just stop telling him. Not about the abuse either. No longer his problem. I mean... What's me having a flashback versus him hanging himself?
If he really needs me to put up with it that bad, I should.
...but now he doesn't want to do phone sex, b/c it might hurt me.
Like killing himself isn't going to hurt the living f*ck out of me?!?
It's the ultimate manipulation tool, too...I get to be engaged in hostage negotiations instead of fixing a relationship.
He's hurting me and the little sane bits I have left are telling me that this is going over the edge. Holding a suicide threat over my head is not ok. It is not ok.
( I should add..our uterus was never that predictable or our periods that mood-consistent PRIOR to early forties. Sometimes okay, sometimes...Aaaaaaagh! Now that stuff is really like pulling a Fallopian handle and seeing if you get a really gross jackpot... Feckin' attack uterus...)
We apologized for being all ugly once we REALIZED we were being stupid, but off he went anyway, our fault for triggering him?
He's still mad at us for not coming over to see him. WE are still mad at us for not coming over to see him when we had time and money. But him whomping us with that doesn't help us feel good enough about ourselfs to crawl out of this f*cking pit so we can go get two jobs and earn the price of another goddamn ticket!
So it's actively counterproductive to keep making us feel shitty about something we already feel shitty about...We're poor, depressed, chronically ill in an annoying but not-enough-to-get-gub'mint-money way, we just have to drag our sick, depressed, CPTSD-ridden multiple ass to work.
Meanwhile he said a lot of awful stuff to us and my interior kids believe that. Because we love him? Loving anyone is like giving them the root password to our head, basically.
So now we feel like we need to kill ourselves because we are a giant bag of turds.
...We totally believe that.
He also says he's hurt because he can't talk about sexual stuff without being told it triggers us? At times, when it does...so he feels rejected.
So I told him I would just stop telling him. Not about the abuse either. No longer his problem. I mean... What's me having a flashback versus him hanging himself?
If he really needs me to put up with it that bad, I should.
...but now he doesn't want to do phone sex, b/c it might hurt me.
Like killing himself isn't going to hurt the living f*ck out of me?!?
It's the ultimate manipulation tool, too...I get to be engaged in hostage negotiations instead of fixing a relationship.
He's hurting me and the little sane bits I have left are telling me that this is going over the edge. Holding a suicide threat over my head is not ok. It is not ok.
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