Wedding In 45 Days And Confused

[bedazzledbride]

Hello all,

This is my first time posting here so please bear with me. I was raped back in high school by someone I was under the impression that I was 'seeing.' I spoke to some counselors while in college during hard times and, due to not being doctors, they could not officially diagnose me as having PTSD- though they all agreed it was what caused all of my issues.

Mine and my fiance's wedding is in 45 days. In the past couple weeks, I've begun having these overwhelming fears and near daily crying episodes. Previously, I rarely cried. Every vendor meeting, anytime someone starts talking to me about the wedding, even just thinking about it.

I keep being flooded with these fears that my fiance is going to change and try to control me. That I will lose myself in the marriage. I'm terrified that I'm making a huge mistake and wil divorce in very few years.

I guess I just need some guidance or advice that what I'm feeling is 'normal.' Its not cold feet- I had a similar overwhelming feeling during senior year of college near graduation.

I'm having an aweful time determining if I'm just stressed or subconciously believe I'm making a horrible mistake.

Any thoughts or recommendations would be greatly appreciated. I'm happy to answer any questions you may throw my way.

 

[rainy_daze]

Hi bedazzledbride, welcome to the forum.

Do you think what you are experiencing is related to PTSD? And if so, is there somewhere you can go to seek a diagnosis and help?

You said you had similar feelings when you were near graduating from college, and now you are having similar feelings about getting married. My initial thought is, maybe you feel this when when something is ending or just beginning, i.e. college ending but beginning the next stage of your life, "single" status ending but beginning the "married" status. Transitions aren't always easy.

I wondered if your partner had ever given you any reason to think he might change and try to control you, or if this is the type of worry you would have given what you have experienced in the past.

It sounds like a normal reaction to me in terms of worrying a little, but then I have never been in the situation you have described. I'm not so sure about crying every single day and fearing your partner will change into someone who wants to control you; when I cry every day I am at my lowest depression-wise and I do not think rationally. I do understand the fear of trusting another person when you have had your trust violated in the past. I am assuming you trust your fiancee enough to have wanted to marry him in the first place? I have never had wedding jitters (which may be what you're talking about), so maybe other people on the forum will be a little wiser in giving you more relevant thoughts.

I wish you all the best in figuring out what is best for you.

 

[Springer80]

Hi,

Does your guy know about ALL your past and how it's affected you? Has he or your family seen you when you've got this upset before? If you've been trying to be strong about it all and your not actually getting the support you need from them or him then it must be a worry cos your entering into something and if he isn't totally aware and supportive your hoping that he will be. Obviously what happened is a big thing and you'll need to feel secure.

:hug:

Ps If you can I'd start talking about this now with whoever you can. XX

 

[AmyO]

Hi...you are doing the right thing by asking yourself these questions before you get married. But I would have to agree with the others that you need to talk to someone. If your fiance doesn't know about your past do you trust him enough to tell him? I can't say anything about the relationship as I don't know how you are together as a couple.

Does he make you feel safe when you are with him? Or could a lot of the things you are feeling right now relate to the feeling of losing control (the rape, your individuality, freedom of choices...)? This can't be an easy time for you and I am so sorry that you had to go through any of it.

I can empathize with that feeling of not being in charge of your own life or body and this is just an opinion, it can lead us to make sometimes bad choices.

My abuser is now an ex. And in my situation I went into my marriage with my eyes closed. Don't doubt yourself but try to get a professional spin on what you are feeling. I wish you the best with whatever choice you make but you are smarter than I was by asking these questions now. Good Luck.

 

[healthbuilder]

Don't spoil your life by giving divorce after the marriage. Better to inform to your finance about your problems. Hope if he is positive minded person, then he understands your problems, gives a solution to it before marriage.

 

[Rumors]

I don't have any advice but sending words of encouragement. I hope you are able to find the answers you are looking for! Hang in there!