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weird or overreaction?

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She responded and said some thing about conference (The conference advertisement came quickly , so I had to cancel quickly .) and see you on Thursday.
Sounds like she thought she DID reach out to you to cancel.

Personally… I’m direct enough I’d just ask where she sent the cancellation notice to, because I didn’t get it, so I need to check my settings on that device, or update my contact info with her.

((Either my spam folder, or the ability of people without passwords to mark notices as read from my Home Screen, etc., rather than turning off the annoying beep/buzz/flashing that has them picking up my device to shut it up.))

Even though it’s just as likely
- I accidentally marked it read myself, half asleep or busy, on accident… it’s still good practice to make sure an update hasn’t screwed with my personal defaults.
- They screwed up on their end and didn’t include me on the Cx list.

That’s easy enough to do by accidentally double clicking on someone’s name, selecting/unselecting, or by fat fingering select on the person above/below me; either way they THINK I’m on the notice list, and don’t realize I’m not.

But? Because I have security concerns, I’m not on most mass-email / mass-text lists, to begin with. So have to be reached out to solo. <<< Most people remember the extra step most of the time. I’d rather that I occasionally get a missed announcement, rather than have my personal info on a blind copy list on someone’s phone. As that’s only “blind” to people who have zero tech skills, and most people goof at least once every few years and CC rather than BCC.

So I’d personally just assume ONE of us made a mistake, equally innocently given past history, and since I can check my end easier than I can check theirs? I’d assume it was me, and ask them where the message was sent to. Which also alerts them that they may have goofed and not included me in the list, or used an old contact method their address book supplied do to one of those stupid updates we all deal with or, or, or.

But whether my fault or theirs? When I have history with a person that shows this to be out of character for them? I don’t assume malice or disregard. Just technical difficulties.
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It's possible she made a mistake.

She did not seem too concerned. Either she is giving me credit for "good behaviours?" baloney!
or she was sheepish and embarrassed and now has few other clients on Friday waiting on her about what happened.
Or, she's disorganized, or has someone else booking her appointments. Or she's not too invested. Or...

Whatever way, agree with @Mach123 and @Muttly that she should pre-assume because of her role it might impact you, even if unintended or a screw up. Going to be a different reaction depending what side of the fence you're on, and dismissing it would not build trust, nor sound considerate. I suspect many people rely on therapy, and just as equally many people find it difficult enough to show up without that obstacle.

Sorry you went through that @grit . Sounds like her lack of response to not showing caused more damage than her actually not showing in the long run. You can have as many good behaviours as you want, and it still won't likely change the impact or thoughts you conclude by yourself if that's all there is to work with. Being understanding still requires some degree of input, or feeling she has basic concern for your needs and feelings and interpretation, also.

Just a thought, how do you think she would respond if you didn't show up, and then responded the same to her?
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I thought of something @grit , that is ironic or funny or maybe just forest-for-the-trees: barring a simple mistake, her interest or enthusiasm or motivation for getting to the conference (to become a better T- or maybe something else?) over-rode her decisions enough to make her arguably a poorer one.
Hello @Friday....oosshit it is only Wed! LOL
Thanks for the chuckle but you made me look into my trash box just in case I deleted her email - Nope! she never sent an email. But the beauty of this experience is not really about her. Anyone can annoy the shit out of me - the beauty is my take was not overwhelming but annoying enough to register.

this is a progress for me.
I thought of something @grit , that is ironic or funny or maybe just forest-for-the-trees: barring a simple mistake, her interest or enthusiasm or motivation for getting to the conference (to become a better T- or maybe something else?) over-rode her decisions enough to make her arguably a poorer one.
Hi Rosebud,
Thank you for your response.

The conference was about psychiatry and neuroscience - how the brain works with the "mind" (considering as a psychiatrist she is interested in this is good) but as psychoanalyst she "should" know better. However, I have seen enough of this garden variety of techniques tricks in therapy world and even when they write these examples in books, they always underestimate what it means to the client - always assuming a healthier person would not notice (which is so stupid cause the good thing was I did not go to her office and no one is ever happy go lucky if they show up for an appt and no one is there!). Sure no one can remember afterwards cause it is so trivial but in therapy it is part of the process regardless of what phase a client is in. They often forgot that the client is not coming to them for picnic but to work through real shit world problem and a bit courtesy IS NOT gratifying but a simple courtesy.

She apologized and said this will not happen again (and I said well we never know) but thanks for acknowledging. But your sense is quite acute that she was sort of in euphoria about this conference - maybe she learned something profound!
Hi @grit , I really like your reponse to @Friday , and I think you are right, that the greatest progress came from your management of your own reaction and your acknowledgement of your feelings. Perhaps she will learn something from the same, though it didn't sound like it gave her much pause. But good she acknowledged it and I think your response or expectation was more realistic.

I think too, with the pandemic, it is good to remember that even without it, every conference I ever attended (& I am certainly no psychiatrist) was an all expenses paid, lavish function of the best hotels and food, and even with amazing content and incredible key note speakers always a big social event, of reconnecting, hook ups and the like. No matter how much work was done in the day, there was a steady stream of politics and jockeying and partying (literally and figuratively), for power & position. Not to say that was her intent, but everyone is human, and nothing is without context. And the pandemic has made many people pretty stir crazy, especially with their escape routes like travel reduced and their identities and lifestyles turned upside down. Whereas clients' lives are already turned upside down, and then the pandemic hit. Often two very different realities, and hard to stay grounded and not get out of touch.
Sorry this has happened.

It sounds like you are trying to read her mind because this has hurt you, and if you are anything like me, of someone has hurt you the safest thing in the past was to try and read their mind and solve it on my own.
But this isn't the past.
And you can email her to say, "do you mean today?" And also"we had an appointment last week that you missed, and I was wondering if I could have an explanation about that?".
As hard as it is I would encourage you to talk about the times she was a no show and how it affects you- I don’t know if you are still wanting feedback on your thread
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