Relationship Well Crap...i Guess We're Done

[grimalkin]

Well, hubs has decided he's done. It's "absolutely me, not PTSD" deciding this. He told me in our couples counseling today, after a pretty good weekend of just being relaxed and together when we wanted, apart when he needed. He just can't, wants to be alone. I appealed to his logic (since that's what he says he's using to make decisions), and asked, if it's a logical decision, how did he come to that decision? He couldn't answer, says he can't articulate it.

So, all I can do is believe him, and agree we're done. Unfortunately, we live together, I only have a part time job (because he didn't want me to have to work too much), and our car is in my name, and I can't afford the payment on my own.

Oy. He seemed surprised when I started completely moving him out of our bedroom (which up until last night, he was still calling "our" bedroom). Um. Yeah. He's "done." That's what "done" means. Splitting up. I'm sure he's going to leave the work of telling his kids to me, because then I'm the one doing it.

I hate this. Any advice? Other than the obvious, take care of me. :)

I want to say, this group is pretty amazing. The more I read from all of you, the better I feel. So *hugs* to anyone who wants them. Y'all rock.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I wouldn't move diddly or tell the kids. Let him do that if he's being "logical and serious." Although, I agree with you, he'd be riding the couch at night.

Either you'll find out he's blowing smoke with idle threats because he stressed, or he can take the responsibilities for the split he is initiating. He's a big boy, PTSD be damned. Don't keep making things easy for him.

 

[grimalkin]

I wouldn't move diddly or tell the kids. Let him do that if he's being "logical and serious." Although, I agree with you, he'd be riding the couch at night.

Either you'll find out he's blowing smoke with idle threats because he stressed, or he can take the responsibilities for the split he is initiating. He's a big boy, PTSD be damned. Don't keep making things easy for him.

I only moved him out of the bedroom because I need a space just for me. His clothes were still in there, and he was making no moves to do it on his own. It was definitely a self-care thing for me. I will be moving out of the house because, well, I can't afford it. We rent, so it's not a loss for me, but I just can't afford to live here on my own. Meanwhile, he can support my ass until I manage to find something full-time, or a second part-time job.

And yeah, I realized, no, he can tell his own family. His kids know I'm there for them, no matter what, but he gets to be the one to make that announcement.

Meanwhile, I learn and repeat the mantra "It's not you, it's him. It's not you, it's him." I mean, it's me, it takes two to make a marriage, but there's no way I can avoid land mines when they're invisible, and the only warning I have is "There are landmines. No one else has successfully navigated them, but I trust you can! No, I won't tell you where they are."

I really wish sometimes mind reading was a thing, it would make relationships so much easier - though I realize not even that would probably do any good in this situation.