Well Crap! Now What Do I Do?

[Glo809]

Greetings
The Mrs and I had deep talk yesterday and she is being very supportive in how I'm trying to learn how live a life that has more facets than the Hope Diamond.

Then she swung the hammer and fractured my life.

You see she is now afraid of me, but only when I'm sleeping. I started celexa about 2 months ago and it seems I have become quite vocal in my sleep.

She is afraid to wake me because she doesn't want to take the chance I might be violent.

Any suggestions?

G

 

[J'qel]

My husband flails sometimes in his sleep and has spoken to me in his sleep.The flailing was more dangerous but the talking is...weird. Sometimes he can actually have a mild conversation before he's out again and it's always mildly creepy. One of them involved something about a boat and then he giggled and said "Boom!" a few times. Little weirded out by it.

How big is your bed? Queen? Double? Get a full King if you are able. The space helps.

Also I've learned if I'm waking up my husband I have to do it very very slowly and usually kiss his arm or stroke his hair so he realizes I'm not a danger to him. I wait about a minute or so before I speak to him.

I'm not afraid of him, but I certainly don't want to get elbowed or smacked while he tries to wake up out of whatever dream he's having. That's nothing against him, in fact we've eventually turned it into a joke between us (for the record he's a foot taller and well over twice my weight).

Can she maybe use a noise to wake you? Something she can have on her nightstand? What about turning the light on? I can understand not wanting to touch you if you're sounding scary. When my husband is sounding scary I'll usually wake him up, but it took a couple of years to figure out how to. In between I was more than a little nervous.

This isn't something you need to be shattered about hon. It doesn't mean anything but what she said. She's afraid of what you'll do if she tries to wake you up suddenly. She's not afraid of *you*. She hasn't stopped caring. She's just not sure how to deal with it.

You can try finding a sleep clinic near you to possibly give her (and you) some insight, or you can try talking to your doctor about it and see what they have to say.

In the meantime, realize that this does happen to a lot of people, and we all can learn to adapt, but it takes time. I don't love my husband any less for his sudden flaillings, I just wake him up slowly or prepare when to duck :P

 

[Glo809]

Greetings
We have been together for over 10 years, but sleep in separate rooms, I work overnights and she works days, plus she has a long history of back issues so when she sleeps it has to be undisturbed.

Her schedule varies and it is the days she doesn't report till noon and she has to listen to me.

We might talk about this within the hour, but I won't push the subject, since I have a med review in two weeks.

G

 

[Friday]

If I'm concerned someone is going to get violent when I wake them, I usually do it from their feet.

 

[barefoot]

I have become quite vocal in my sleep.

She is afraid to wake me because she doesn't want to take the chance I might be violent.

Have you ever actually been violent in your sleep?

And I agree with the others - there are ways to wake people that will minimise their distress and make it less likely that you will get harmed in any way waking them, so you might need to experiment a bit to find the way that suits you best.

For me, touching tends to spook me, so my partner wouldn't touch my face, head, hair, arms etc and wouldn't get close to me or speak really close to my face. Any of these things would likely provoke a total adrenalin rush in me and there would definitely be a high risk of her getting hit or shoved. My partner has discovered that the best way to wake me is to switch a light on and repeat my name quite loudly, firmly and calmly. That way, she won't get accidentally hit by my panic and flailing and it is also a much gentler way for me to "come round" too.

It can be a difficult situation for both of you - the partner can feel very anxious about their safety (and yours!) and the person with the parasomnia can feel guilty about disturbing their partner's sleep (and possibly scaring or even harming them). But if you're both open to talking about it, I'm confident that you'll be able to come up with different things to try.

Good luck!

 

[Glo809]

Greetings

About the violence thing, I have a very diverse background where overwhelming stress is concerned.

And I rarely remember what dream I was experiencing.

Yes there is violence in my past, all of the bad stuff was in the line of duty.
G