Well...everything Has Gone To Hell....

[atilla]

Hang in there Brother.

 

[Raven]

I'm sorry this is happening.

If your pugs don't act crazy and destructive, look into getting them certified as emotional support dogs. That way you won't have to pay any pet deposit for them and even housing with "no pet" policies can't bar them. Just something to think about to give you an easy "out".

 

[Sludge]

That's a lot on your plate there Sludge. Credit to you for writing it down and looking for a way to deal with it.



Just a thought, could she have secondary PTSD? How you describe it sounds familiar.

If she doesn't, I'd be shocked. Had it long before I was in the picture. Her dad, a Nam vet, was the PTSD king of spanish speaking Americans.
Truthfully though I think she has what they have renamed a variable depression disorder, former bi-polar, etc etc. female cycling is a factor too, I am sure.

I actually don't need a calendar to know what week it is here. Incidents like this ONLY happen during "that" time. Have the research to prove it.

So I used some of that neurolinguistic programming stuff in the past in dealing with her. Used it over the phone last night and got her to come home. Sounds like dirty, underhanded manipulation, and it is. But it worked.

I'm sorry this is happening.

If your pugs don't act crazy and destructive, look into getting them certified as emotional support dogs. That way you won't have to pay any pet deposit for them and even housing with "no pet" policies can't bar them. Just something to think about to give you an easy "out".

Oh, neither I nor the pugs are leaving this house. Call me an ass, but Im not going to let the dogs suffer because of this SNAFU. Truth it is my house, in my name, purchased with my VA loan. Sounds arrogant I know, but I assure you after an hours sleep and many many hours of netflix to think to, I realized that I am done running from anything. Rent in these parts is three to four hundered more than my mortgage. I am not throwing my budget away for one of the shithole apartments in this town. I like my shithole house too much. LMAO

Too many times in the past did I cower and run just to make others happy. I didn't have shit then. I have shit now.

As a side note however, the pugs are pugs. A pug that isn't completely insane is dead or close to it.;)

 

[Raven]

I'm working on getting Pete certified as an emotional support dog. In the event that I do move out, it would be bullshit to have to pay a deposit or be banned from housing because I own a dog who spends all day on the couch and barely barks.

 

[Woodman]

Dude I have felt that type of hurt, pain, anger and it will eventually blow over. Then before ya know it things will be more better and you'll look back and say how'd I put up with that? Take care!

 

[Sludge]

The really screwed up part is that everyone, brain pickers, therapists, support group leader all told me the same thing- have her get help (which I knew and have tried and failed at before) or tell her to hit the bricks...

Remember those commercials for head-on?

in my case, just replace "headon" with "drywall"...

 

[Sludge]

Dude I have felt that type of hurt, pain, anger and it will eventually blow over. Then before ya know it things will be more better and you'll look back and say how'd I put up with that? Take care!

In this case I wish it were true.

This situation actually happens every year at this time. This year is a new record. If the Annual Post Holiday Explosion was named after a Hurricane, this year's would be Katrina.

It works like this. My wife spends between 2 and 3k each holiday season. In her defense it is for a good cause. She gets gifts and makes holiday Xmas Eve family packs for the really needy kids she works with. She might be a cold hearted bitch to us, but she really cares for and does great things for those poor bastards (literal poor bastards in most cases) Im no charitable type person and I detest the holidays, but kids gotta have Xmas particularly when they don't have shit else in their lives . (All right, I admit it, I used to be a big softy for kids and folks less well off than I, but being a gruff basterd is a protection device, eh?)

I do not actually mind this but usually half of that money is our own. The rest is made up of donations from some of our really well off friends. The result is the accounts get over drawn and the bills don't get paid on time. It sucks, but it really is for a good cause and I always choose to ignore the mess it creates for January and February around the house.

Where I suspect the real trigger is this time was the fact I finally got off my ass and prepared for the annual financial fiasco ahead of time. I opened my own accounts and switched all of my income to them. My wife went ahead and overdrafted not only the joint accounts, but her own also.

Did I mention she neglected to tell me this? the woman doesn't lie- she just doesn't tell anyone anything...
So, being the shockingly (and secret) frugal bastard I am, I was a bit confused when I get a letter from the bank threatening my house! I paid the mortgage, then discovered that January's hadn't been paid. So I paid that one too. House saved.

Then she announces that the joint account is so badly overdrafted that all of our accounts are going to be closed out and turned over to collections. I called bullshit as both kids accounts and my accounts are not linked to the mortgage or the joint account. That started it.

I was actually very nice about it, while angry, I have more than enough squirreled away to take care of the essentials. She called me a liar and I just said not to worry, i got this handled. I went and paid on all the bills. Crisis averted, though it will be a while before I can finish the badass engine for my 58 VW so I dont have to drive my gas guzzling SUV around all year.

All is well right?

Wrong. Family cell phone bill shows up. 700 bucks! WTF!?! Come to find out the Family bought an iPhone 6. My fault. Didn't pay attention. Wife picked one up and never bothered to mention it cost 500...

I just shrugged and said not my problem.

I paid the normal bill, roughly 200, and explained she was responsible for the rest. Sounds fair to me, or am I frakking crazy?
A day later the argument with the daughter and the detonation (what started this thread).

So, now Im tapped out. The money I have in my accounts and cash on hand is enough to survive till pay day, but that check and the next are effectively spent. So are hers. I had to drain my savings AND cancel desperately needed dental surgery to keep things going.

She is taking a four day trip to Kansas City for a friend's wedding. Staying in a hotel, flying rental car, etc.

I sure as shit havent said anything about this or the fact the pain is intolerable Iand I get to drain 20-50 mL of grossness out of my jaw every morning. Just got things calmed down around here and have the kids and pugs mentally stabilized as best I can.

Upon reflection, I think she went off the deep end this time when she figured out I am not the horrible train wreck I used to be.
I think it pissed her off once she realized I had a few grand stashed away, had been paying bills, scrimpedto build myself a badass computer a few months back and have been helping out my son, who is still laid off and cant collect unemployment because he didn't work there long enough. I let my daughter use my truck since she totaled her car (and then her mom's) just after my brain got worse.

I think she blew up because she effectively got called out on her own financial f*ck ups and I made her feel like and idiot, without ever saying or doing such a thing.

f*ck. And they say I'm the crazy one.

Good news is money dont mean shit to me, i have my computer and my games to keep me busy and entertained till the thaw. The VW can wait as I am not cleared to drive yet. The income will go to fixing her mess, and then I will financially compartmentalize even more so I take care of all the critical bills and prevent this from ever becoming her excuse to make us all miserable again.
Pretty sure she will find or make up another, but at this stage of the game, I could care less.

When neutral parties tell me to get her to get help or leave, I am prone to believing them. Things are beyond make or break for me. Shits broken and I am nolonger in the fixing things business (thank the gods). She can either step up and behave like an adult or saddle up and ride off to where ever.

I am worried most about her daughter. I'll take care of her, I promise that. But how the hell does a damn near 20 year old kid mentally survive a shit brick absentee bio dad, a psycho nutcase OCD control freak mom, and a PTSDed epileptic, toothless redneck step dad? Half tempted to hand here a soint and a copy of Pink Floyd Pulse and tell her to fuggedabowddit.

I may be a well restrained monster, but even I have standards and priorities. My house comes first only because I need it to put my kids second and my pugs third. Oh and an internet connection. The rest is gravy.

Shame though really. For as much as a cold hearted non communicating bitch she is, I still love her adn refuse to give up. She wants to leave, that is all on her. I know what my prioreties are she just needs to get hers straight. Shell either come around and get some help, or shell leave and go make someone else miserable.


(does it show i spent today talking to all my brain pickers and touchy feely therapist hippies? betcha a few beers, a joint and some hackey sack would still have a better effect...)

:whistle:

 

[atilla]

Hang in there Brother, you're on the right path. Stick to your guns, complete the mission. Thats what we do.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Sucks to hear Sludge.
Is she a Latin woman by any chance?
You know most step dad stories involve like this major asshole of a stepfather.
My experience wasn't always such, in fact most of the time I recall wondering why the f*ck my step dad put up with my moms bullshit.

Money spending etc.. Leaving quickly.
Just a real ugly acting woman.
Wish you the best man on how ever things turn out in the end.

 

[Sludge]

Yeah, she's half Mexican and Half Creole-Cajun.

She has calmed down a bit but we're back to the Ice Queen Bullshit. So stressed out I haven't slept much the last three days. Currently into hour three of the first panic attack I have had in over two years. Woke up sick this morning as I realized I hadn't had anything but coffee and Pall Malls for three days.

I'm to the point now I regret working so hard to get her to stay at the house and try to work things out. She as usual isn't doing a damned thing to make the situation better, but she isn't making it worse either.


We did got to breakfast this morning though and it was just like old times, so there is that. Roughly one hour with the chick I fell in love with, then right back to the bullshit. Sad part was I had to fake it as my guts were so upset from stress and not eating.

I'm in pretty bad shape. Going to the import beer pub with one of the two actual friends I have. Hopefully the other will be able to join us. My son is going to DD for us, so I may let myself get blitzed for real for the first time in ages. Just have to pace myself, eat before hand and avoid the hard shit.

Call me paranoid, but I feel like she is deliberately taking advantage of the beast and trying to break me down so she can go back to stomping all over me like a puppy in a sack.

I had a few prazosin stashed away. I hate that shit, but I cuffed myself and found my BP was way up there and the shit does knock you out cold. I had two and am feeling better, and tired so perhaps that is a good thing.

My one buddy, an Afghan vet and fellow Beast Handler, is the one I'm heading to the pub with. He offered to let me crash on his couch, but I cant leave the pugs and the kids alone with her that long.

Believe it or not, I don't believe in divorce. I made an oath, and while I might be a scurrilous bastard, I always keep my oaths. Made one to my son when he was born, one the US Navy and one to her. I failed the Navy. Damn there failed my son.

With her, I am starting to wish she would just go away.

I crunched all the numbers this week, and I don't need her financially. Few more years and I can sell the house, buy one in Colorado and me and the pugs can go grow pot for a living.

Just don't know. Almost to the point of not caring.

 

[Sludge]

Thanks 'manno.

After a few days of anxiety induced weirdness, I've come to the conclusion it is time to get this mess over with and move on.

In this case it means having a life again and a home that isn't full of ice and cold and stress.

Now I just have to figure out how to get this done as fast and seamlessly as possible.

 

[atilla]

Wish you the best Brother.