Went To A Doctor Today

[Leisel]

Cried for like 2 hours after lol and swore a lot (doctors -> body memories) but I still managed to finish my homework and get home by 11:30 so I feel okay/good about today.
One thing the doctor said that angered me at first is that some of my pain could be caused by depression. Anybody else have that? Idk if it is, still have to do bloodwork and an MRI, but it's possible.
I guess I thought a diagnosis would make me feel like the physical pain was validated, and was upset when she said that. idk.
I felt better when I remembered Lady Gaga has the same kind of thing, if that is what I have. Physical symptoms of PTSD. When she explains it, it seems very valid.
Idk. I mostly just want to feel better, but I guess part of me wanted the validation of a diagnosis, and another part of me is afraid that if my doctor will chalk it up to mental illness before she does all the possible tests, and she'll miss something significant. Idk

 

[SophiaWisdom]

Congrats on making it through the doctor!

ABsolutely! ALL my worst physical problems are coming from my CPTSD with its ensuing depression and anxiety (ex: gastritis from stress/anxiety). When I am happy, my body feels good (the reverse correlation holds true as well), and sometimes when I am in physical stress I have to do something emotional to make it go away. It's both horrifying and edifying to see how it's so intimately connected.

 

[Leisel]

I just realized it's the first time I've ever had such intense body memories and still didn't really seriously think about suicide. I didn't want to die. I just cried and felt and processed it a little bit. Idk. That's weird progress I guess lol but it's progress. And I have never gone to a doctor before by my own choice, except an urgent care once. So. Lot of progress. Just wanted to share that since I realized it, idk

 

[Leisel]

Congrats on making it through the doctor!

ABsolutely! ALL my worst physical problems are coming f...

Thank you so much for sharing that, I do feel better knowing it's not just me lol. Health is a weird thing. I'm still learning new things all the time! It's surprising to me sometimes how interconnected things can be and the impact of our minds on our bodies and even the extent. I don't understand it lol.

 

[SophiaWisdom]

I don't understand it lol.

Nobody does - that's why we're all still suffering lolol. Many have theories and have studied it extensively and give lots of lectures, but we're all just 5 blind men describing the par tof the elephant we can see.

Plus we're all so different from each other! So our bodies may have similar reactions, but not exactly the same. Like many highly sensitive people are triggered by being around people, but for me I HAVE to be around people for a certain number of hours because I am an extrovert born and raised in NYC lol. So alone-time to an excessive amount actually puts me in a deep depression, while going out with friends nonstop keeps me out of depression. I can spend 12-18 hours out of my house and feel so exhilarated, while others find that exhausting. Yet I still have CPTSD and get super triggered like everyone else here :).