I find this discussion to be quite fascinating to explore, but also quite challenging to put into words.
There seems to be exploration into subtle nuances of how
shame and
vulnerability work in real life.
Shame has root origins from an older word meaning '
to cover', which is a natural human expression when we feel vulnerable, exposed, weak, in pain, afraid, triggered, reactive, angry, out of control, shock, etc.
The roots of the word
shame are thought to derive from an older word meaning "to cover"; as such, covering oneself, literally or figuratively, is a natural expression of shame. Nineteenth century scientist
Charles Darwin, in his book
The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals, described shame affect as consisting of
blushing, confusion of mind, downward cast eyes, slack posture, and lowered head, and he noted
observations of shame affect in human populations worldwide.
---
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame
Shame also has a social aspect, it is like a '
social glue' that limits and controls everyone's behavior so that it's predictable in society (
socialization). One common issue with the
stigma towards people with mental illness or PTSD, is that their behavior is
unpredictable, it doesn't fit into social norms, which causes most socialized people to feel shock, fear, uncomfortable, shame/exposed, etc.
When people face uncertainty and unpredictable behavior they typically react with 3 methods:
- negative socialization - judgement, blame and overt shame [fight, RAGE]
- positive socialization - rescue, comfort, support, distract, cover-up with positive feelings [flight, PANIC/GRIEF]
- social abandonment - speechless, create distance, change subject, dismiss, dissociate, escape [freeze, FEAR]
Shame is considered one aspect of
socialization in all societies. According to the anthropologist
Ruth Benedict,
cultures may be classified by their emphasis on the use of either shame or guilt to regulate the social activities of individuals. Shared opinions and
expected behaviors and potential associated feelings of shame are in any case proven to be effective in guiding behavior of a group or society.
Shame may be used by those people who commit
relational aggression and may occur in the workplace as a form of
overt social control or aggression. Shaming is also a central feature of
punishment,
shunning, or
ostracism. In addition, shame is often seen in victims of
child neglect and
child abuse.
---
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame#Social_aspects
Unfortunately these common socialization methods are not very helpful with PTSD, or these methods actually create and reinforce PTSD.
So, as it's been discussed in this thread, maybe it's more of a
normalization response that can help heal PTSD? It is having a real human being, to
bear witness in a
conscious, calm, patient, compassionate, non-judgmental, empathetic, and
open way? Isn't this healing through unconditional love and surrender? But it does seem easier and maybe even necessary to have a separate human being to
consciously embrace with in
shared humanity, which at first can feel very
vulnerable, exposed and scary, but with 'radical acceptance' and humble surrender, our shared humanity is the
strongest anchor to
healing, resilience, transformation, forgiveness, integration, peace, equanimity, etc.
At a more technical level, part of the
normalization process is to
deprogram and discharge old triggers. With development trauma there is often years of repeated mental brainwashing or cult-like programming, where shame was accurately associated with dangerous life or death survival.
Feeling emotions, sharing vulnerability, voicing personal needs, creative expression, unique individuality, personal selfishness, etc. were behaviors that were
actively attacked. It could be described as
codependence or counter-dependence socialization programming.
This leads into a disorganized attachment bias, which has to be unlearned or deprogrammed working towards the 4 S's of
secure attachment 'being
seen, soothed, safe, and feeling
secure' - which leads to
stable self-regulation.
Community seems to be a missing link in the healing process, the current mental health model is done in isolation with a therapist playing the expert. Also most therapy models are practiced with distance and detachment, it's almost like a
controlled dissociation. It's like everyone is terrified of getting too close? But what if getting up close and personal is the only way to get genuine closure and healing?
Apologies if I got a bit too deep and big picture, and not so personal. I'm still working on my Aspie limitations with communications.
Here's a classic Brene Brown animated clip that I think relates to this discussion:
