What am i afraid of

[Snowflake]

I think of suicide a lot. It’s a coping mechanism. I’ve never attempted or obviously acted out-I just talk a lot about it as an option. My therapist ask me “what’s underneath the feeling of suicide/death?” “What are you trying to avoid?”

Any thoughts?

 

[MyWillow]

Emotional pain. It hurts like getting hit by a 500kg cow never did.

 

[shimmerz]

“what’s underneath the feeling of suicide/death?” “What are you trying to avoid?”

Not sure that it is an avoidance thing for me. What lays underneath it for me is a feeling of hopelessness that runs so deep and was initiated during my infant non verbal period. I am trying to convert those feelings into words so my therapist and I can convert them into something I can see/feel/touch/explore. It's a slow process.

 

[MrMoonlight]

For me thoughts of suicide come when I start feeling overwhelmed. I have lived a life of overwhelm and I just don't want more decades of the same...hell I can't have more decades of the same. I told both my psychiatrist and therapist about my suicidal thoughts and am increasing my antidepressant by fifty percent next week. It's such a violent and ugly thing.

 

[MyWillow]

I’ve had this these thoughts for 25 plus years. Since my 20s. I’ve never told anyone. I just thought it was normal.

 

[Dergrosse]

For me it's very much not wanting to suffer any longer. There's the feeling that the pain will never end, and I don't know how much longer I can take it so I start thinking about suicide as a serious option.

It tends to last for a few weeks to a month before I find hope from somewhere. Either my symptoms start to become less frequent/severe or who knows what else happens. So I guess in a word it would be hopelessnss.

 

[Snowflake]

Emotional pain. It hurts like getting hit by a 500kg cow never did.

It does

Not sure that it is an avoidance thing for me. What lays underneath it for me is a feeling of hopeles...

Hopelessness exactly. Fear of feeling

For me thoughts of suicide come when I start feeling overwhelmed. I have lived a life of overwhelm...

I def feel overwhelmed

I’ve had this these thoughts for 25 plus years. Since my 20s. I’ve never told anyone. I just thoug...

Me too

For me it's very much not wanting to suffer any longer. There's the feeling that the pain will never...

Exactly

 

[whiteraven]

Yeah, I agree that suicidal thinking is not about avoidance - at least not all the time. I'm pretty upfront about the stuff that is going on with me or that has (as far as I can remember) and when I think about k i lling myself, I am intensely overwhelmed and am sure it's not going to get any better. The emotional pain is immense. I just want it to be over.