General What are they thinking?

[Freida]

My question is what are some things that go through your mind while isolating? Also, why do you isolate from some people but not others?

ahhh..the million dollar question.

What goes thru my mind? Either nothing (totally shut down) or too much (constant flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, blah blah)
The biggest thing I need is quiet - which means no one near me. Because even if you are not speaking I can still hear you breathing, feel your energy, know you are there. If I'm isolated it's just me and the dog and no one else.

Plus, I can be super super SUPER bitchy when I get to that point and if I don't isolate I will take it out on everyone around me. And it will be ugly.

Why some people and not others?
lots and lots of pages on that in this thread.
There really is no rhyme or reason, but usually the closer you are to me the further away I want you.

 

[paigelove]

There really is no rhyme or reason, but usually the closer you are to me the further away I want you.

Oh wow, that is really interesting. Why do you think that is? Thank you for sharing!

 

[LuckiLee]

paigelove, have you read any of this thread yet? I would start reading it from the beginning. The majority of your questions are probably addressed here. And you'll find answers to questions you never knew you had.

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Freida]

Oh wow, that is really interesting. Why do you think that is? Thank you for sharing!

@LuckiLee is right about starting at the beginning, there is a lot of conversation between sufferers and supporters on isolation and a whole lot of other things we do that drive our supporters nuts. It was a huge eye opener for me - the supporters taught me a ton about how my actions affected my people in ways I never could have imagined

 

[Freida]

Note to my supporters

If I tell you that I'm in anniversary hell, that I know I'm having massive ptsd trigger issues, that I'm trying really, really hard to not be a raving bitch and that I need you to understand just how hard it is for me to get thru the day without putting a f*cking bullet in my brain?

Be damn grateful that I trusted (past tense) you enough to share how I am feeling and don't pick a fight with me because you are stressed out and then bitch and whine about me being mean when I lose my shit at you!!!

And don't expect me to try to be honest with you again.
You only get to burn me once.

Lesson learned.

 

[LuckiLee]

Tell her that^^^. If you haven't already?
People can argue and still love each other.

I can't imagine having one of our family members move in with us. J would try to hide PTSD until he exploded. It would be hell. For all of us.

Our house. J's chair. Is his safe place. And it isn't even ALWAYS safe for him. He would have so much more added stress of "keeping everyone alive".

J and I have a system. (Sorta. Kinda. Changes daily. ) If it gets disrupted? It can get very ugly. PTSD relationships are anything but "normal". So if J can't be himself? If he has to suppress his symptoms? In his own home? In his safe place? During anniversary season? Yeah. It would get ugly. (Depression, rage then SI).

Like today. He's sleeping in his chair and will probably be there all day. Why? Because J worked yesterday morning morning and we went out with friends in the evening. It was a looong day and J was on high alert. (Tall buildings=snipers , lots of people=terrorists, backpacks=bombs) System overload!! He couldn't/wouldn't sleep all day in his chair if someone else was here.

If we had to have someone move in with us? I have no idea how we could manage it. We could do it for a short time. A few weeks max. But after that they would get a crash course on PTSD. That's fo sho! He shouldn't have to hide his symptoms, our reality in his own home. Just to make a visitor "feel more at home". It should be the other way around. Right? Right.

Sis was a jerk. And hubby should talk with her. I would most definitely have the talk if it was one of our family members. Or have all the adults have a conversation. Everyone is stressed. There's bound to be disagreements and arguing. At least around there would be. Especially if we didn't feel at home in our own home anymore.

I guess I'm saying don't give up on sis. But tell her how mad and let down you are. If they are going to be living with you for the foreseeable future? You should have more communication. Not less. Ok. I'll stop now.

Thanks for sharing.

P.S. I think it's funny, Friday loved your post and I thought it was sad.

 

[Freida]

I can't imagine having one of our family members move in with us. J would try to hide PTSD until he exploded. It would be hell. For all of us.

ya -- hubby and I just had a long talk and I think that last year everything was so kerffufled getting them settled that they didn't notice when I get bad. But this year? I'm spiraling weeks before I should be. Hubby agrees we need to all talk, but I have to get in place where I can seperate my anger at her from anniversary season. And yep - I have a feeling all my batshit crazy is about to rain down on her to get the message across loud and clear

I guess I'm saying don't give up on sis. But tell her how mad and let down you are. If they are going to be living with you for the foreseeable future? You should have more communication. Not less. Ok. I'll stop now.

It's hard because in my usual ghosting fashion I've already written her off. But, considering she lives here, that might be harder to do than usual LOL

P.S. I think it's funny, Friday loved your post and I thought it was sad.

Me too!

 

[Chris-duck]

@Freida I think maybe that deserves a post. Cos I lived with my best mate for a while n some aspects were similar n I wanna reply but not derail a supporter thread

 

[Freida]

@Freida I think maybe that deserves a post. Cos I lived with my best mate for a while n some aspects were similar n I wanna reply but not derail a supporter thread

thats a great idea --- standby....

 

[Freida]

sigh
Why o why do we have to have holidays?
How can I both love them and hate them at the same time?
Why do I feel so desperate to take off?
Why should I have to stick around just because the supporters want me too?
I'm locked in the bedroom trying to avoid any interaction with them
Because I know I'm in a mood and I don't want to blow up at them

We had a big house meeting last week - got the issues ironed out and are all at peace again so I know it's not that.

I just don't want to have to put on a happy face and pretend all is ok.
But I will.
Because that's what I do
Because they deserve to have a holiday without me having temper tantrums and isolating
So I'll smile and cook dinner and visit and hopefully even be past my funk and enjoy the day
And if not? Suck it up buttercup - don't ruin it for them.
It's one weekend filled with lots of plans -- things you know will be fun because you helped pick them!
Don't let the demons win - not this time.

I can do this.

 

[LuckiLee]

We were just discussing tomorrow's "plans".
We have two places to go to. His brothers in the early afternoon and my niece's for dinner.

I asked him what time he wants to head out. He said "9 or 10 a.m. to do some holiday shopping". I literally laughed out loud. (And felt bad about that right away.) The man had the worst anxiety attack two days ago when we ran into Meijer for 5 minutes to use the S.O.S kiosk. He was literally vibrating from head to toe. I thought we were fine until people got in line behind us. We got outside and he said he was OK. Said he felt it coming on the second we walked in the door even with me right by his side the whole time.

Later this evening...

We were cooking and having a cocktail and he said "I really do want to go holiday shopping. But...." He was laughing now. Said "Yeah. Right. I'm having liquid courage tonight just to deal with thinking about tomorrow ".

Then I was laughing again because I had just finished the first part of this post. Told him yea @Freida is hiding out in her bedroom because she doesn't want to fake it through the holiday festivities that SHE helped plan.

It was comical. Not in a ha ha way but in a darn it feels good to be normal, way. Freida is on the opposite side of the country and literally dealing with the same stuff.

J would love nothing better than to have traditional holidays. It's what he longed for when he was deployed. We just try to make the best of them. As of right now he's planning on going to both places tomorrow. But you and I both know he could back out the minute we're walking out the door. And I understand that. Does it suck? Yes. However, I would rather him stay home and take care of himself than to put himself through more stress and....well, you know the rest.

So, how are we gonna get through the day?
1. We don't usually stay very long. If I feel I will want to stay later we will drive separately.
2. J takes a lot of "smoke breaks". If he's stressed he'll hang out outside or call his brother and talk for a few minutes.
3. Communicate. He usually gives me a heads up if things start to go south if I didn't already know. lol.
4. If he can't go. He can't go. I understand.

I know he has a lot on his mind. He said he was trying to calm his thoughts but nothing was working. I said he can tell me anything and he usually does but he just grunted. So I know it's some bad sh!t.

Did you schedule some downtime, @Freida ? Maybe send all of them to the movies so you can chill out for a few hours?

I'm rambling. And tired. And a Lil tipsy so I'm gonna stop now.

We're not alone.
Happy Thanksgiving!!

 

[Friday]

I literally laughed out loud. (And felt bad about that right away.)

Don’t. Laughter that speaks ‘I love you’ & ‘f*ck that noise’ in the same impulsive breath? Is pure gold. It’s truth. It’s allowance. It’s a smack on the nose. All in one go. Good stuff.