General What are they thinking?

[scout86]

They want to offer comfort but I'm in a place where I don't think I deserve comfo

Reading this made me realize something. Sometimes what's "comforting" is when someone just gives you time and space and respects your ability to deal with your own stuff. Sometimes the most comforting thing in the world is to know that someone else can take care themselves so you KNOW you don't have to. And to know they'll be around, no pressure, the relationship is safe without a lot of actual work on your part, 24/7/365. Things can coast for awhile and it will be ok. I'm not sure how you'd explain that to someone with a very different experience of reality.

 

[LuckiLee]

Yes. This. ^^^^ @scout86 . This works for J and I. I know when he's in the rabbit hole I cant pull him out. All I can do is be there when he climbs out himself. Most of that time we don't communicate much. The basics that's about it. I don't want to blather on and on and be all blah blah blah. As @Freida so eloquently puts it. ?❤

I'm J's only support except for his docs. His family is shite when it comes to support. They only know how to receive it.

I've been thinking about this whole isolation thing. When people first join this forum they ask about isolation. (Which is kinda strange to me because if you research PTSD at all boom there it is in black and white. Anyways) When the suffer can't hide symptoms anymore so they isolate. When they do let symptoms show the supporter freaks out so they isolate. If the supporter/SO can't handle the slightest symptoms how could they handle the whole shebang that is PTSD? From the survivors eyes they can't. So why continue? Isolate. (Ghost)

IF a PTSD relationship is going to survive it has to be a team effort. You can't be in a COMMITTED relationship and say you have PTSD and do nothing about it. How the hell is that supposed to work?


✌& ?

 

[Freida]

Sometimes the most comforting thing in the world is to know that someone else can take care themselves so you KNOW you don't have to. And to know they'll be around, no pressure, the relationship is safe without a lot of actual work on your part, 24/7/365. T

Yes yes yes !!!!!!!! handle your own lives for a change so I can go off into my corner and hide

hen the suffer can't hide symptoms anymore so they isolate. When they do let symptoms show the supporter freaks out so they isolate. If the supporter/SO can't handle the slightest symptoms how could they handle the whole shebang that is PTSD? From the survivors eyes they can't. So why continue? Isolate. (Ghost)

Yes! yes!!!! I don't think supporters have any idea how bad it can get and once they see it ... well there aint no going back. I show me just cranky and it makes them all freak out. I let them see the batshit crazy ptsd freida? Let's face it.....Jekyll meet Hyde and they will run for the nearest exit. When I'm in that mode I'm mean. Really mean. Its a part of me that I don't want anyone to see. Because I can't take back what might happen.

You can't be in a COMMITTED relationship and say you have PTSD and do nothing about it. How the hell is that supposed to work?

And again she hits it right on the head! It's the sufferer's responsibility to learn coping skills and how to behave like a decent human being, but the supporter has to be willing to understand that its a long, hard road. If they want to travel it together they both have to be prepared for some pretty big potholes.

 

[EveHarrington]

I've been thinking about this whole isolation thing. When people first join this forum they ask about isolation. (Which is kinda strange to me because if you research PTSD at all boom there it is in black and white. Anyways) When the suffer can't hide symptoms anymore so they isolate. When they do let symptoms show the supporter freaks out so they isolate. If the supporter/SO can't handle the slightest symptoms how could they handle the whole shebang that is PTSD? From the survivors eyes they can't. So why continue? Isolate. (Ghost)

I think a lot of supporters come here because other sites you just read, where as here there’s the opportunity for discourse and hoping to be told “of course she/he’s coming back!”......”this is the worst of it”.....”it’s definitely going to get better!”.....and so on. People just want that hope!

But of course, no false hope is handed out here.

I honestly think that the PTSD partnership is the most difficult of all types of relationships. My closest friends and family have NO idea how bad I can be in a relationship with a significant other, and yes they’ve seen my bad episodes, no I don’t hold back or hide anything from them. It’s just that the dynamic is so much different and puts unique stressors on me.

 

[LuckiLee]

I live in Michigan. I'm used to potholes. LMAO. (Google it)

XO

 

[Sweetpea76]

@LuckiLee I drove like 15 minutes into Michigan and had to turn around because I thought I’d break an axle, no joke!

 

[LuckiLee]

We have the worst in the Nation! The frame of our car broke last year because of them. Had to get a new car. It's a huge topic of conversation around here. Our new Govenor promised not to raise the gas tax for it. That was a bunch of b.s. She wants to raise it 45 cents a gallon. It's already up to $3 a gallon. We voted against it 4 years ago because they already raised it twice and not much was done. ?

My guess is you were on I-94?? Although you could have ben on I-75 or I-96.

 

[Sweetpea76]

75... my vet was not amused lol. He said Iraqis took better care of the roads. That’s why we turned around.

He does not do good with vehicle stress.

 

[LuckiLee]

Ha! Welcome to Michigan. Hope you're driving a rental. J drives like he's in Fallujah.

 

[LovingH]

No way..Philly has the worst potholes for sure. A pothole totalled one of my friend's cars :/

 

[Friday]

I've been thinking about this whole isolation thing. When people first join this forum they ask about isolation. (Which is kinda strange to me because if you research PTSD at all boom there it is in black and white. Anyways) When the suffer can't hide symptoms anymore so they isolate. When they do let symptoms show the supporter freaks out so they isolate. If the supporter/SO can't handle the slightest symptoms how could they handle the whole shebang that is PTSD? From the survivors eyes they can't. So why continue? Isolate. (Ghost)

Outta the park

 

[LuckiLee]

Thanks @Friday & @Freida. When my thoughts and actions are validated by you I know I'm doing something right and I might be figuring this stuff out, finally.

I have NO idea what my life would be like if I didn't find this forum and everyone here (and some who aren't here any more, too). Obviously I wasn't in a good place to have to reach out to an anonymous ptsd forum. I've been here every day since and the things I've learned here, you can't learn from a book! Sending you hugs. Big squishy ones! Yep, the kind you hate.? (I'm a hugger).

Cheers to ,You!!
XO