General What are they thinking?

[Never_falter2]

@Freida: what you said about this Christmas stuff and not being able to do it when January comes... very sad. Is there any of them you can talk to? I do not think they want you to fake it and maybe there is somebody who can help you.

 

[Freida]

@Never_falter I think they know it's hard for me, and that some years I have a harder time keeping it together. Last year was really bad - I was super depressed because I had just started EMDR and it was killing my soul. They knew and it made them so sad that I remembered why I will do anything to fake it so they don't feel that way again. It's not them asking me to pretend. It's me sucking up all my crazy and at least giving them the holiday season without having to put up with all my crap like they do the rest of the year.

I'm one of the lucky ones - Christmas is a huge happy deal in my family and it is pretty much drama free. I'm the only one that has any kind of negative emotion attached to the season. So I figure I can tough it out and keep it that way. Plus, should january come and it not end well.... I want to make sure that is January - not Christmas!

I do go to therapy and have a couple ptsd buddies I talk with throughout these two months that I can dump all my crazy on. And I hear all theirs so it works out for all three of us! I think I was just having a really big pity party the day I wrote that blah blah blah....

 

[Never_falter2]

But IF there is the danger that you do not make it till the end of January and THEN I am sure that their choice would be to have a lousy Christmas instead of a dead @Freida in January. I think they can help.

 

[Freida]

OH! wait..lemme clarify. I only stuff it down for month of December. My Christmas decorations come down by December 31st and then all bets are off and the crazy comes back! They ALL know that come January I'm going to be a raving bitch and they work their asses off to be there for me and not let me sink. Which, I will admit I don't make easy for them. I've already booked a a trip to the beach and they are playing rock paper scissors to see who gets stuck going with me because my go to is isolate/run and they don't want that to happen. Then I'm also looking at airfares -- and having to commit to hubby that I wont go further than besties house a couple states away.

I really do have a great support network, but some years it hits me earlier (like this one) Even with that it doesn't reach critical mass until after the holidays. That's what I mean by making myself hold it together. They deserve at least one holiday without me screwing it up because of my dramas. I haven't yet lost the January fight - and I don't think I will. But just in case, I want their last memories of me to be happy ones.

 

[Never_falter2]

:(
I would be very sad if my husband wrote this somewhere because I would be thinking if he only told me I could help a lot... sorry. Do not want to stress you.

 

[Freida]

It's ok -- that's why I come here! Because sometimes I get so caught up in my drama I lose sight of the other side. I'm assuming hubby knows its bad -- but you are right. I should have a conversation with him. My only concern is that I don't want to stress him out because I'm stressed out. I'm not sure he can help - it's just something I need to push through. So aren't I dumping a no win situation on him?

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's more stressful not knowing.

I'd rather know he's in a bad way than suspect it and not know what the hell is going on.

 

[Freida]

@Sweetpea76 Ok, I guess that makes sense. So will they be ok if I tell them I'm struggling but then tell them there is nothing they can do? Or does that just make them worry even more??

 

[Sweetpea76]

Nope... if he's been around awhile he's gonna know there's nothing he can do. It may give him a heads up to give you more space or be more patient though. Maybe make sure you're getting enough to eat, etc. Take care of household shiznat... you get the idea.

 

[Freida]

ooohhhhk. I'll have a chat with him this weekend....

 

[NaeNae75]

Nope... if he's been around awhile he's gonna know there's nothing he can do. It may give him a head...

In our house, it's the same both ways. It's easier for me when he lets me know what's going on. I also tell him when it's rough for me and I need a little "extra" from him. It's when we DON'T do this that everything unravels. It's when we try to handle everything ourselves that we have problems as a couple and for our individual selves.

 

[Freida]

It's so funny how hard it is for me to wrap my mind around this. Course if it was easy it wouldn't be PTSD!