General What are they thinking?

[WinterCricket]

Isolating.

Don't even realize I'm doing it at first. Then it kind of dawns on me that I haven't talked to friends or family, kind of ignoring hubby, just kind of shut down. Going out to the world means putting on happy face -- so very tiring.

They get mad at me. Or maybe they don't. Dunno. Don't really care. Can't take the pressure of dealing with them.
I come here
They get mad? or maybe they don't.
They want to be part of the conversation
Why do I talk here but not to them?
Too many things I can't talk to them about.
I know, I know, they want to help. They want to understand
But sometimes its too much for ME to think about.
For ME to talk about
For ME to explain
Not them
ME.
Here?
people get it
Without having to explain.
Sigh.

The very ironic thing is, my dear, that you actually did just explain it to us perfectly, and that's a gift. (you know I love and admire you babe for your sassy way with words and openness!)

I would give anything to have the Marine say these very words to me and just open up the trust/communication for me to say back to him - I understand you're feeling like crap right now and I support you and am available to talk when ready.

THAT, what you just said so thoughtfully, would let me understand and not want to go bat shit wondering with his freaking 79th isolation instead.

In fact, I have half a mind to write the words I just wrote you to him in a text, and give him the benefit of the doubt - one last hail Mary before I let it go. Maybe he is feeling what you describe...

 

[Sweetpea76]

By now, they get it.

 

[Freida]

By now, they get it.

Ya...I have to admit they are pretty fabulous. I really did win the supporter lottery. I just hate that I feel guilty (but not as often -- I'm learning! :laugh:) because the only way to keep myself sane is to stay away from them when I'm in this place. It's just so unfair for me and them. :banghead:

 

[Tinyflame]

and am available to talk when ready.

Maybe (feeling like crap) I'd just send something funny? "I am here" is enough, too. (The words above alone would stress me out to the point of running. JMHO though. :hug: )

 

[OrangeJulius]

Isolating.

Don't even realize I'm doing it at first. Then it kind of dawns on me that I haven't talked to friends or family, kind of ignoring hubby, just kind of shut down. Going out to the world means putting on happy face -- so very tiring.

They get mad at me. Or maybe they don't. Dunno. Don't really care. Can't take the pressure of dealing with them.
I come here
They get mad? or maybe they don't.
They want to be part of the conversation
Why do I talk here but not to them?
Too many things I can't talk to them about.
I know, I know, they want to help. They want to understand
But sometimes its too much for ME to think about.
For ME to talk about
For ME to explain
Not them
ME.
Here?
people get it
Without having to explain.
Sigh.

I needed to read this today. Thank you.

 

[Freida]

Told sisters I figured out I was isolating.
Response? Ya, we knew. Figured you'd get back to us eventually. :laugh:

I seriously owe a huge debt to all the supporters on this site who helped me and mine get to this place - where the drama is so much less dramatic. Especially the ones who have been trying for 2 years to get it thru my thick head! Oh ya @LuckiLee luck and @Sweetpea76 im looking at you! :)

 

[LuckiLee]

Lol. That's awesome...Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go isolate. We'll be here when you get back.?

I'm not sure how to respond to you Freida. I had typed out multiple responses to you and kept deleting them. Words can't express the amount of gratitude I have for you. I guess I'll try again...

You have helped J and I so much in the last couple of years. I talk about you and @Friday all the time. I share your ideas/information with him (although not a'll of your ideas/information. I have to have some tricks up my sleeve. ?) and he appreciates it so much. As different as you all are, you're more alike than not. He always gets the two of you mixed up. Probably thinks you're the same person. Freida/Friday. Tomato/Tomato Lol. I have to always tell him, she's the Marine or she's the one who was in the Air Force. He has said on multiple occasions "I'd love to meet them". As would I. ❤

I read Friday's "current weather" posts to J because they are so funny and dramatic. They're a topic of conversation around here. And we want video of her boinking a salmon on the head. ?

He didn't like me being here for the longest time. He thought I was trying to be his therapist and figure him all out. I guess I kinda was. I was doing it for me though. I had to figure something out. See if this was doable. With alot of help from EVERYONE here J and I are on a good path. Things are coming together. I'm not at my wits end anymore. So, Thank You, EVERYONE!!

I'm so happy you're feeling a teeny tiny bit more comfortable sharing with your family.. Super proud of you. ?

 

[Friday]

:roflmao::hilarious::roflmao:
faaaaaaawking weather.

(I’m allowed to complain about it, because there’s Jack I can do about it. That’s the rule about bitching ;) Complain about the things you can’t do anything about, everything else? Get up off your ass and fix it, already!)

boinking

LMFAO.

“Bonking”

If I’m getting frisky with a fish? We’ve got problems!

It’s harder to do than it sounds, most of the time. Jigging for salmon on a riverbank they’re all tired from fighting the line, and you’ve got this here hook in their mouth to keep their head relatively in one place. You can look like a real idiot splashing around the field in galoshes (why am I even wearing these? I’m soaked from the chin down, after running all over hell and gone) chasing a fish with a beer bottle that got a sudden burst of energy. I’ve learned to wait until they get stuck under the deck stairs. Although I did bang my head a good one, once when I was half under them and stood up too fast, I kinda figure turnaround is fair play. :cool:

 

[Freida]

Boinking/bonking tomato tamato!

We do the ocean and river bar salmon fishing thing - love it! Havent been in years because the runs have been so small they keep closing it :( Love me some salmon! Was in denver at besties and got to talking to the fish counter guy -- he was so excited I knew the difference between coho and silver! :laugh:

 

[LuckiLee]

See. Y'all make me laugh daily. Priceless.

Autocorrect is the freak, not me. ?

 

[Freida]

ya...so bout that.

Been reading some new supporters as they've been trying to get a grip on the whole isolation thing and it got me kind of laughing because, well, january is coming. (adds game of thrones music")

Told hubby last week -- Ok, my beach trip is booked for January and my trip to besties is booked for February. I'm ahead of the isolation game this yea! He laughed but I know it helps him to know that Im trying to be a little bit proactive -or maybe just a little less dramatic - because then he doesn't have to worry as much about where I'm at in my head when the days get really bad.

And then I thought -- ok this is what it looks like when the isolation thing works correctly. Since we know that I will always do it then when I plan it ahead of time it takes a lot of the pressure off of both of us. And hey - it only took me 20 years to figure it out!

 

[Dave ZInger]

I finally felt safe.

Ok, I confess, the relationship has changed, as we are no longer together, but we are texting every day and talking almost every day.....Friends. I am the sufferer. He is the one who ended the relationship. (A first for me as I’m usually the one bolting our the door.) The first few weeks were extremely painful but I refused to let go. (Another first for me.) I can’t even begin to explain why I’m finally holding on to someone. He understands in a way that nobody else has. He continues to care about me with genuine concern and nothing required in return. I am able to accept his (friendship) love for me as it is a safe kind of love. So I guess it boils down to feeling safe and secure.

That's understandable but still heartbreaking to me.. I truly hope myrel with my sufferer doesn't go down the same road. ?