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livinginhope
It really is! Thank you for starting this thread. Good luck with everything xSo very glad it's helping!!! :)
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It really is! Thank you for starting this thread. Good luck with everything xSo very glad it's helping!!! :)
Keep in mind, too... there is a HUGE difference between isolating & breaking up.Everyone tells you not to take the isolation personal (hell, even my ex told me that after the first time he left). However, when you committed to someone with PTSD and signed up for the lows and highs, support them throughout everything...it is extremely hurtful to be isolated from.
Keep in mind, too... there is a HUGE difference between isolating & breaking up.
One of the biggest surprises I've gotten from this thread is learning that people might take my absence personally. Never occurred to me. (I tend to avoid relationships anyway, so this probably doesn't come up much.) My thought would be more along the lines that I'm sparing someone from having to deal with me, or put up with me, or something like that. Different people have different reasons, of course, and that's pretty well described here too. But, I tend to assume people are better off without me.
It's probably pretty unfair to tell you guys not to take it personally. The thing is, it's probably not MEANT personally. And the person who's doing the isolating most likely isn't doing it with an intent that's aimed at you. Just trying to get to a place where things aren't totally overwhelming.
What you said actually does make sense. I don't think the cause is exactly a lack of empathy as much as it is not being able to see that far. But, obviously, it's still pretty hard to be involved with someone where your ways of experiencing things are so different. (I guess the other thing I've learned from this thread is that avoiding relationships is probably a good idea.)
Sorry you're dealing with all this!
Exactly! I had no idea it bothered my supporters. I actually thought I was making things easier on them because they didn't have to deal with my drama. Finding out it was upsetting to them? ya...still not sure I get it.One of the biggest surprises I've gotten from this thread is learning that people might take my absence personally.
Many of us have demons we never want our loved ones to see. We did things, or had things done to us, that we never want you to know about. Doesn't matter how much you love us.making me feel like maybe he doesnt want me to see the monster in him (because I really havent seen it other than him leaving)
I know it sucks to hear "its not about you." over and over when it comes to isolation. But for me? when I get to that place my supporters simply no longer exist. I have NO idea they are there - waiting/wanting to help. Because I'm so deep into my own drama that all I can see is a long dark hallway with monsters all around. I have to isolate because any outside bangbangbang is just too much. Even when the bangbangbang is just my supporters knocking on the door trying to get me to let them in.You are right. But when they come back everytime and tell you not to take it personal when it happens and that they isolate from EVERYONE and not just you, its hard not to take this as isolation instead of a break up.
Exactly! I had no idea it bothered my supporters. I actually thought I was making things easier on them because they didn't have to deal with my drama. Finding out it was upsetting to them? ya...still not sure I get it.
Many of us have demons we never want our loved ones to see. We did things, or had things done to us, that we never want you to know about. Doesn't matter how much you love us.
My facade of being ok was how I functioned for years. I couldn't face the demons in my soul, or that I felt like a horrible person -- how could I ask someone who loved me to? Nope - because I knew the truth --- if they found out who I was under that facade it would be the end of the relationship
I know it sucks to hear "its not about you." over and over when it comes to isolation. But for me? when I get to that place my supporters simply no longer exist. I have NO idea they are there - waiting/wanting to help. Because I'm so deep into my own drama that all I can see is a long dark hallway with monsters all around. I have to isolate because any outside bangbangbang is just too much. Even when the bangbangbang is just my supporters knocking on the door trying to get me to let them in.
My guess? It's not that you aren't safe. It's that being around you isn't safe.He doesn't see that I'm not dangerous, that I can be his safe place.
physically left? Only a couple timesHave you left your partner as a result of being in that "place"?
This is really common for many sufferers. We need space. Lots of space. And talking just takes way to damn much energy..told me it was not unusual for him to sleep on the couch or in the spare bedroom and not talk for days or weeks.
It’s not normal though, yet.but he cannot accept the fact that this our new normal now. Worried for him.