General What are they thinking?

[Justmehere]

corona pandemic which stresses and triggers him and he cannot accept the fact that it is around now... and I am not wanting to say I like corona.... not at all... but he cannot accept the fact that this our new normal now. Worried for him.

What prompts you to say he can't accept it is around now? Is it that he worries and stresses about it being around?

The two of you are going to have different coping styles. Pretty common for couples. His might be doing what he can to prevent infection. Your's may be shrugging off risks as normal life now. Two equally valid ways of coping.

 

[Freida]

I wonder if he's upset about so many people not taking it seriously? I mean, it has already killed over 100,000 people, and yet so many have been convinced it's not a big deal so they aren't taking precautions.

another thought -- for me it's less about the virus and more about watching people lose their minds and the level of violence we need to be prepared for as this situation gets more and more out of control. It's kicked me into "how do I keep my family safe mode" which, now that I think about it, is probably driving hubby nuts. :laugh:

 

[Never_falter2]

@Friday I agree that people are going to die, but hopefully none of our loved ones. Where I am from there are about 500 new infections every day, let’s say it stays like this and let’s say the pandemic stays around for two years. That would mean that an additional 365.000 Germans would catch corona and if the mortality rate stays at 5 percent circa 18.250 would die. it is a very high and horrible number but also means that most Germans would not catch corona and would not die from corona and that we are unlikely to loose any of our loved ones from corona - though semis be careful - of course.
The place where we live used to be a hotspot - but no longer. Thanks to aggressive testing and quarantining there aren’t many new infections those days - though we unfortunately still have some community spread.
Also I think that the number of new positives is going down because we will have a tracing app soon. We will cheaper and better tests soon so that proactive testing will be the norm. We already have counties here in Germany that go zero corona. Also medical care is going to be improved which will reduce mortality.

I am not saying that the chance that one of us or one of our loved ones dying does not exist. The possibility exist and it scares me, too. It is just not very high.

You talk about deployments. I am not sure if many soldiers exist, who as soon as they are deployed, start telling their military brothers “OMG, we are all going to die. Well, it happened to nobody I know so far - but I am so afraid we are all going to die. Many are dead in others places already“. You know better then me: is this common? I have never heard of that and I doubt it would be helpful.

@Justmehere The things he does.... like scratching himself till it bleeds, biting himself, obsessively cleaning everything (including obsessively cleaning things that have a zero risk to be contaminated such as the coffee maker, the spoons, disinfecting shoes he hasn’t used for months, taking a backpack he hasn’t used for month out of the loft and washing it with disinfecting wash - how are those things supposed to be contaminated?). First thing when he wakes up: learn about corona news, observing death numbers, despairing about death numbers asking when it will ever stop, saying he cannot forget the faces of those who died over and over - and he only knows about them from the news paper.
He is drinking to much, has trouble eating, tells me he is feeling physically sick (stomach cramps, cannot breath), has trouble sleeping, sometimes just rocks himself or bangs the back of his head against the wall. Works out like crazy. Working out is good for you but not the way he does it.
He refuses to do things that have helped him in the past - like painting or having a long warm bath. Says: Noooope, doesnt feel like it. To stressed. I was so happy when he decided to have a bath in the middle of the night the other day. Hey, selfcare coming back? Currently he really sucks at selfcare.

Sort of a vicious circle. To stressed to paint a picture, but painting would help him to reduce his stress level.

Poor baby needs to stop thinking about corona and accept it as the new normal or we will have to fear about his mental health.

@Freida Yes, that drives him crazy. We have so many covidiots here (including people who believe Bill Gates created the virus because he wants to vaccinate people with microchips). Disheartening to see.
How does it show that you are kicked into keep family safe mode.

 

[Freida]

How does it show that you are kicked into keep family safe mode.

I start obsessing about how I'm going to get everyone to our rally point - a place where we can stay that is far enough from the world to bunker down but close enough to get groceries. It's actually a relatives house in the mountains - we had all talked about it years ago if we ever needed to evacuate because of fires and such. The relative is a bit of a prepper so it is easily defendable and has it's own water supply and such

What was really telling is realizing I have a back up plan that includes jobs for everyone - including the kids.

Nightmares are spiking - hubby says I've been fighting in my sleep all week.

irritability is up - a lot. I want to know were my family members are at all times, I'm adding more food and water to the pantry, got our vehicles full of gas, blah blah blah
:banghead:

 

[Never_falter2]

We have a “rally point“ too (if understand the meaning of the word correctly) but currently cannot go there. In our country children have the obligation to be in school and while schooling was paused for the worst part of the epidemic now schools have reopened and we have to send our oldest to school. It is basically not a choice. You aren’t allowed to solely homeschool in our country, currently it’s a mix of homeschooling and being in school but we have to send him and even it is only for a few hours a week.
When the epidemic was worst it was not bad at all near our “rally point“, a sparsly populated area far away from everything BUT we were not allowed to go there because that federal state had closed its borders for people from states with community spread. Which makes a lot of sense and we totally accepted that and didn’t wanton bring in a virus. A lot of people have holiday homes there and tried to sneak there to be safe from the outbreak but we never tried it, wouldn’t be fair.

So basically we are preppers and it has helped us. It was a very good idea that we had been stocking food and did not need to go shopping while the stores were empty and the outbreak was bad. We are still stocking food.

But there are things we cannot prep for. If he has to be in school, he has to be in school. It’s nothing we can change. So basically all our prepping is a bit worthless now.
We can only hope. Thanks God the risk of being infected is pretty low now but both of us are feeling uneasy about this and it’s bad for vet that this is something he has no influence on which he hates. He hates unknowns.

Thanks God we do not have that kind of rioting here. Is it very bad in your country? (Sorry, somehow forgot the last sentence in my post. Wanted to say we have covidiots but no riots. The covidiots are have rallies but mostly peaceful)... and Ithink your riots are also about police brutally, did I get that right?
Is it the same crowd like the corona protestors or is this different crowds?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Ithink your riots are also about police brutally, did I get that right?
Is it the same crowd like the corona protestors or is this different crowds?

The protesting now is specifically about police brutality against African Americans. It is a very different crowd from those who were protesting lock down orders.

Protesting, people taking advantage of the protests to riot and loot, massive unemployment... oh, and we also have 107,000+ Covid deaths. It’s a hot mess over here and it’s triggering to say the least.

 

[Friday]

. I am not sure if many soldiers exist, who as soon as they are deployed, start telling their military brothers “OMG, we are all going to die. Well, it happened to nobody I know so far - but I am so afraid we are all going to die. Many are dead in others places already“. You know better then me: is this common? I have never heard of that and I doubt it would be helpful.

I’m sorry... but I don’t understand the question?

On surface value... no. I’ve never known anyone who’s done that, although I think everyone’s heard of someone who has cracked up that way, I’ve personally never seen it.

But I don’t see the tie-in between what I said, and the conclusion you’ve drawn?

 

[Freida]

our neighboring city is still having thousands of people protesting but they are policing themselves now so it has calmed down. Still vandalism here and there but nothing like the rest of america. For today at least.

This whole cluster is a huge trigger. I'm wondering how active duty military are going to react when they are told to fire on their own people. Not the looters and vandals - the order is going to be on ALL protesters.
Will they actually pull the trigger?
ETA - would I have?

In the mean time i'm trying to breath - remind myself that me and mine are safe right now and we have an exit plan if needed. But I'm escalating - which means hubby wont tell me where he hid the guns. At least not yet. Overwhelming need to stock up on ammo.....

Supporters -- I fear that life is going to get really complicated for some of you so just a quick shout out for how absolutely amazing you all are.... :)

 

[Never_falter2]

@Friday I might have gotten you wrong. I thought you were saying: “A pandemic is just like being deployed and the most common and helpful response is going “OMG, were all gonna die“ just as it is when you are deployed and there can be nothing like a new normal. Let’s just panic instead“. Sorry if I misunderstood.

BTW you said if a vaccine was discovered today it would take 18 month till everybody has it. Are you sure? I heard companies are already amping up production.

 

[Ronin]

@Never_falter2 I thought Friday's post simply states things are a different normal / situation changed, with the pandemy... Equivalent to pregnancy, only with waay more unknowns thrown in... as awaiting babies can be quite predictable ;)

But it's the same kind of deep life alteration.

Aka not just a momentary change - a change that alters everything of life.

That doesn't say anything about panic being a needed response, nor do I think it was implied...

It only asks that people understand changed variables, and regards for them, is not 'simply' being symptomatic, but actual concerns.

It's not Run for the hills :eek: ...
Just not having blinds on, to reality.

 

[Friday]

“A pandemic is just like being deployed and the most common and helpful response is going “OMG, were all gonna die“ just as it is when you are deployed and there can be nothing like a new normal. Let’s just panic instead“.

Ah. It doesn’t occur to me that OMG or panic would follow the understanding that some -if not all- of us are going to die.

Try it this way, instead:

A pandemic is just like being deployed and the most common and helpful response is going “OMG, were all Some of us are going die“ just as it is when you are deployed and there can be nothing like a new normal. Let’s just panic instead get prepared, now...

...Focus on what matters. Get faster, stronger, more capable, more adaptive, now. Lock away anything that gets in the way. Seize the joy. Coil the rage. (Saving it for when you need it, like a spring coiled tight.) Check & double check. Know where everything is, at all times, and that it is in a state of readiness. Know where everyone is, at all times, and that they are in a state of readiness. Know this might be the last time you see them. Be okay with that. You don’t know what’s coming, so be ready for anything. Sleep when you can. Eat as much as you can. Drink water. Focus. FOCUS. Everything is about to change. Be ready. Be better than ready. Be the best.”

It’s not a new normal... when everything is about to change.

Whether you’re waiting 9 months for a new baby, or 10 hours in the belly of a c130, or 11 months for orders rotating home, or 12 seconds to see if the person is going to stabilize or bleed out. Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Days. Weeks. Months. Years. The amount of time doesn’t really matter to the mindset, much. Because “now” isn’t the important bit. It’s what comes next that’s important. Now, is just waiting. THEN the important bit that you’ve been waiting for happens, and once it does? Maybe you hit a new normal. Maybe you just start waiting & preparing for the next change.

It’s a very different way of living.

For now to be the new normal with a pandemic? Either a vaccine has to be developed & distributed... or everyone (I care about) has to have already gotten sick & either lived or died. Until then? I’m waiting.

 

[Freida]

Well crap.

Note for all the confused supporters out there. :)
Sometimes we don't know we are ghosting. I just figured out I have been for the last week or so. Well, actually some of my besties here pointed it out. My brain is just full and I havent had the ..energy/willingness/brain cells to even try to interact with people.

Huh. who knew?
My supporters havent said a thing to me - which tells me they get it.

but.
Wow.
I was the last one to figure it out