What Are Ways That You Do Not Take Things Personally? Need Tips.

[Tanishq]

Ask away Jaret.

Thank you. Sorry I posted the question before asking for your permission.

Post #45 in this thread. There is my question.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Jaret I could not find your question. Can you ask it again please? Thanks.

 

[Tanishq]

Gizmo, it was post #43, I am sorry I gave you wrong number. I have asked mods to delete that post, so I can re-post that again. I have wrote it again.

This is my question:
I think I have tendency to make small tension bigger tension. It stems from this issues. I have taken small things personally, so it is obvious it installed habit of making small tension even more bigger than I can handle it.

Does anyone have this problem?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Jaret for me, I have the present tension. But when I get an emotional flashback to childhood trauma it superimposes over the present tension. I have to connect to the past pain and deal with that, and it takes the steam out of the present tension. Thus it shrinks it down to the right size where I can deal with it. I do not know if this answers your question or not.

But this is what happens to me so many times when I get triggered by something similar happening. It all becomes one big lump of pain and it is very confusing until I sort it out. I hope this makes sense.

I tend to take certain things very personally and I am trying to learn not to do that. I am trying to be a mature adult about situations. I get triggered and will have to be prepared for emotional flashbacks to occur at the same time. I have been learning alot about myself. I can accept certain people not liking me and not wanting to have anything to do with me. That is life.

But when I am verbally attacked I get an emotional flashback to being attacked by my dad. I am aware of this now so I figure if I get verbally attacked again, it will not be so bad. I will be able to take it in stride and not take it so personally. I have learned so much from this experience.

I do not know if this is what you were talking about. If not can you please clarify more about what you mean? Thanks I appreciate it. Hugs.


Thanks Junebug. It is amazing to see my dad with the eyes of an adult. I think this is a real step of growth for me. Hugs.

 

[Tanishq]

yes, Gizmo you're understanding my question and the way you described I relate to most of them. Thank you so much. I am grateful for your empathic abilities.

I can accept certain people not liking me and not wanting to have anything to do with me. That is life.

This is the most mature thing you have accomplished.

Also, I want to be mature the same you way you're wanting to achieve maturity.

I am going to think more on this.

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I went back to my friend and simply told her how I felt about this. And she honestly apologized to me. I got my friend back. I feel relieved. I am so glad that I did this. I am trying to not take things personally. Withdrawing in silence and walking away really helped me to calm down and sort out things. I feel so much better.

 

[Abstract]

I have the present tension. But when I get an emotional flashback to childhood trauma it superimposes over the present tension. I have to connect to the past pain and deal with that, and it takes the steam out of the present tension. Thus it shrinks it down to the right size where I can deal with it. I do not know if this answers your question or not.

But this is what happens to me so many times when I get triggered by something similar happening. It all becomes one big lump of pain and it is very confusing until I sort it out. .

Wow Gizmo, you express that so well. You are doing such great work. :inlove: And huge credit to you for speaking to your friend directly and explaining how you felt. That is so mature and assertive. :tup::woot:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It sure is a good thing. I am so used to things going south for me. This will take some time getting used to it. I cannot believe I actually did it. I do not feel mature and assertive. I feel so depressed.

 

[Abstract]

I am sorry you feel depressed Gizmo. :hug: I hope you feel better soon. For me depression comes when I judge and pick on myself or when I loose contact with what I am feeling and why. But that doesn't sound like it is your situation at all. you seem very aware and like you are being kind to you. You have gone through a lot recently so that is wearying. :( :inlove:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am tired Abstract. I have lost touch with myself. I am in the grip of this depression. I am making it ok. I am doing things that are hard on me. Thank you for pointing this out to me. I need to just relax and know that I will come out of this depression. I so appreciate your wisdom. You are very wise. Hugs.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am not taking things so personally anymore. I have learned so many lessons through this experience. I came out of it alot stronger. I need always to keep my guard up.

I need to use my common sense and not go into threads that emotions are all stirred up. I can take better care of myself. Thank you everyone who helped me. I really appreciate it so much.

 

[Fia]

I have the same problems. Over the most stupid things. Just now my boyfriend gave out to me about my way of doing the laundry?!?! I'm not very practical and we look at what is important in life differently. When he gives me shit, its not bad shit, I basically feel ill. It hits me in the top of my stomach and is a mixture of anger and fear. It doesn't last for ever but its very bad for me.

When I was 3 I got angry with my abuser and let him know I had enough. He lost it and he strangled me. I believe I died for a second. My sister heard my screams for help and came. I have memories of looking down from the ceiling and seeing her in the door. It didn't stop here but this is all I feel I can write.

I get angry when especially men reacts negatively to me. I want to say what I really think. But the fear kicks in or I either loose it or removes myself like a wounded animal. It doesn't take much. I see the pattern in my behaviour, with what happened to me but don't know how to break it.