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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Exhausted, scared, overwhelmed, angry, overly-emotional, too many thoughts and lonely.

All ups and downs. In fact, mostly down. I would like to feel relief from this, and I would like this whole month to be over. Too many thoughts, like I said already. Sick, truly sick, of feelings and feeling them, I would prefer numbness. Fed up multiplied by a million, regardless of the exaggeration, that is the only way I know how to describe how I feel today.

I hope tomorrow is better, because I want it to be and I have things to do.
 
I feel ridiculous. Bewildered. Ok so, my family takes off for Las Vegas for 10 days, and they left as I was being ripped off of a medication that was horrible, and weened onto another medication that was horrible. Needless to say, it was hella fun. Not one person called, texted me, I mean... wtf if you can go on Facebook and like stupid crap during your damn vacation, how bout callin a sista and making sure she didn't stroke out eh? And everyone's yelling at everyone for not coming by or calling, but they didn't either so idk what their problem is. I ended up on the phone with my son's father, who is 90% deaf, and 99% stupid. I mean really. The man has electricuted himself three times, fell off 2 boats, got hit by a bus and has the sense of tree stump. But... see, this is where I learned something. I think I was giving creds to the wrong people. I guess you find out what it's about once something goes wrong, and I really appreciate that guy being there for me. I bought him dinner and a coffee to say thank you.
 
Really depressed. Finding out the man I love has really started to turn his life around and get the help he needed all along has just put my in the downward spiral. Was I not enough for him to do these things while we were together. Should I just let go and move on with my life without him. All these questions I have swimming around in my head, and I will probably never get the answers to.
 
So much tension in my neck and body. I really don't feel like doing anything. It seems that the things that are coming my way lately are causing me lots of stress!

I sure didn't expect to have that conversation on Sunday. It is like that secret of the past is out, and I have to deal with it. There's nothing I can do, except I sure would like to isolate more than I am at present. What a shock it was to me to hear him talking about me like that!

However, I just learned that a neighbor I knew has passed away. I will need to go to the funeral, which I don't handle too well anyway, so more stress to come in a few days.
 

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