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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I feel anxious. I have a headache and I am sure it is anxiety induced. Had an OK Easter. Dinner with friends but I felt very separate and disconnected. Still feeling disconnected from everything. Just existing.
 
I'm thankful to be reminded (yet again these past days) that there is no need to be afraid, and we have more help than perhaps we know. I'm used to the accepting-I'm-vulnerable part, these past few years, but I keep forgetting it doesn't necessarily end there.

I wish I would remember that!
 
I'm really upset and hurting a lot today.

It's my mothers birthday, and I just sent a card despite knowing I will probably be ignored again, and not sure if I did the right thing, but it hurt too much to contemplate not at least acknowledging her birthday, even if she does feel she can't be bothered with me.

All because I told her I didn't want to be used as a personal counselling service. She thinks that's just some sort of perk that she gets for popping me out from between her legs...even though she has offered no real emotional support and just taken from me...and then told me that I didn't support HER enough!! What a joke.

I'm just really really hurt right now, and today at art therapy school, it was particularly raw when we did an exercise involving painting where we are at and how events have shaped us into who we are today. I got pretty upset and teary, and had to take some time out.

I'm emotionally exhausted, and feeling really raw right now. Don't know what to do. My whole family hate me for doing what I've done...but they left me no other choice. I still have issues with taking things personally it seems, so it makes it harder to get past it when they start unloading all their own crap on me constantly.

Trying to stay strong, but I just feel lonely and like a slug. So lonely. And apathetic.
 
((((((((((Philippa)))))))))) I go through this same process with my mother, knowing mine will more than likely throw hers in the trash but I try to look at it this way, I do it for me not her. Once I post it it's like a gift, what she decides to do with it is not my business, so I can then let it go. I find it better the guilt I might feel should I choose not to give anything, it's not like me, however it is like her. I am not her.

Today I feel better. Finally slept again last night - it's been several days. After some graphic nightmares the night before last, this morning I got back out and walked the Fur Sisters. I plan to do a few more things. I feel better but a bit anxious about the things I have left to do this week. I don't feel very confident, mentally or physically. :(
 
I'm feeling pretty good today. :)
I am letting go of those who judge me and can't accept me.
I have booked my H in to see my T regarding a major problem that is holding him back - I may have a new man soon!! Don't know if that's a good think or a bad one!!;)
 

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