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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I am feeling ok today, but my husband is not. He is having bad hallucinations and delusions. He thinks I am doing drug deals with cocaine. I remain calm and I try to reassure him of the truth. He is not doing so good. He has been having alot of hallucinations and delusions. I wish he would not have them.

At least I feel good and capable of dealing with it. He is being very calm. But he does not feel good. He said they, the drug dealers put it in out attic, we do not have a attic. He took me through the house looking for a crawl space and there was none. He said they pushed a button and it disappeared. What a day.
 
I feel like entering an new world after todays therapy. For the first time I kind of begin to [DLMURL="http://dict.leo.org/ende?lp=ende&p=DOKJAA&search=acknowledge&trestr=0x8002"]acknowledge that my trauma is real and severe. For the first time I did not minimize or banalize what I went through. [/DLMURL]

I feel different. Everything feels different. But I am calm and peaceful despite my suffering. For months I had constant difficulties to truly accept help and to allow myself to let go and to trust. "It is not necessary, I can deal with it...!"

Now I realize why this is so difficult for me: Accepting "special treatment" means acknowledge that I need it, that my trauma is worse than I want it to bee.

In my head still resounds the phrase said by my Psy today when I told him how much it is difficult for me to accept the fact that he gives me more time than the usual 30min consultation (he gives me 45 to 50min): "...because your case is particularly severe."

I am asking myself how I have been able to live a relatively normal life for years now, how I did survive.

I feel grateful for the power of life that was stronger than death, and I acknowledge that (it is not all worse!) I might be the "Queen of repression".
 
Do you prefer to be known as Queen Elizabeth or Queen Ann, your Maj? One might involve having strangely-shaped legs...

I'm feeling really tense in the back and face, even though I'm actually pretty happy. Maybe it's because I'm at work, once again in the exact desk where I was when the incident happened that snapped my camel.

I'm sitting here drinking coffee and singing 'Louie Louie' while a colleague is trying to read a weather broadcast, just loudly enough to put him off.
 

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