I am feeling very sad and confused about how my mother can throw away so much of her life. I have a need to "understand" but there are things that cannot be understood as they are so alien to any remotely normal thought pattern or perspective, a person can't even remotely "put themselves the that person's shoes". There is a rational side to me that knows it isn't going to happen, but the emotional side struggles. Oh well, that has always been my major struggle, emotional disconnect from the rational. Even that has been better in the present, but this is probably the last major "trauma" processing that needs to be done. Almost feels like mourning.