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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I am scared. I am moving towards a big change within myself. I am feeling emotional agony and stress about making changes in my life and making progress, and doing different things, and taking steps to work out in the world. I am really scared about this. I feel so not good enough. I am doing obsessive things. I am struggling to trust myself and my reality and my perceptions.
 
Still seem to be sitting in humiliation, self hatred, shame, fear, confusion, discombobulation, prosecuted. From doing something exceptionally that I have never managed to even half way do before in my entire life. No pride. Definitely having some cognitive dissonance. Identity stuff. But its more visceral and there is proper fear there. Constant feeling of wanting to be sick. PS and really angry at someome who has done something that will add even more strain on my time in the next months.
 
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It is shit to feel feelings really, but you have to do it to be alive. For the record I am not a fan. I have been mostly severely dissociated most of my life. I am undergoing huge changes at the moment. I am going from being mostly absent and dissociated to being much more present and here. I am not numbed out on food most of the time, some of the time, and that is a huge improvement. So I am feeling anxiety, insecurity and corrosive self doubt, (nooooooooooo!) so I am willing to be with how I am feeling, (yes total crazy talk I know) and just be with that. It is not easy but, at times, I am doing it.
 

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