Heartsick, symptomatic, helpless, grief-filled, sadness, and overwhelming gratitude for my sister being able to be present where I can't be. My mom is on the way to the ER via ambulance this morning. She's in really bad shape, lives alone about an hour away from us, but has been too stubborn to accept any in-home help.
Part of me is relieved that she's finally getting some skilled care, the other part of me knows the so-called "care" she's been receiving all along has resulted in the rapid worsening of her overall health. I can't be around the fragrances/scents that hospitals are full of, and that my mom and sister marinate in....so here I sit...waiting...worrying...deep breathing...smudging....tapping...crying...communicating with nature...listening to healing sounds...and longing for some much needed compassionate relief....for all of us.