Funny, I thought after the fact of writing that ^^, what is 'wrong' with that to identify, in so far as it does, and yet does not, reflect what I think or feel? And I think, me presupposing 'what' may or may not have ever mattered to anyone else- or even being so egotistical to think I'd know 'what' someone else wants or needs- is very inaccurate to what I usually believe. Or, if even it matters being left to 'feel' I myself was never of any value, indicates I either had expectations something would prove to me I wasn't, or simply is totally self-absorbed to think of. Not to mention, well, depressed.
So it's not really 'everyday-me', that feels that way, or thinks that way, yet I felt that way, or can feel that way.
But I guess that's what 'feelings' or emotions are: one part physical (feeling even unwell), and influenced; one part expectation or selfish 'conditions'; one part cognitive distortions; one part forgetting contexts; and all of it overladen with trauma and the past. And so it changes, to the extent self-perception and perceptions and healthiness (physical and mental) allow room for it, the degree I work on it, and the degree to which my mind, heart and soul are able to both allow it, and/ or challenge it (eventually).
I know, however, that there's a lot of research that's showing unlike what seemed the case, people are not logical beings that sometimes think emotionally, but emotional beings who sometimes think rationally. And if one has used emotions to live, decide, make sense of the world and protect themself, it's very difficult to not choose based on that. Mind you, JMH thoughts. ?