What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[Tinyflame]

It is quite unbearable. :cry:

And then work added grief, fear & anxiety on top of it. ?:cry: ?
Alone, I suppose. Powerless. Afraid. Terror. No recourse. Trapped. Tired. Sorrow. Exhausted. Hopeless.

No, I'm going to edit that, like Lionheart taught:

Grief and sorrow and pain and loss over sister;
Fear in general and powerlessness and exhaustion due to work;
Terror and hopelessness I can not change situation with work, above;
Trapped with work and hopeless as cannot find a way to change it, and trapped in my life;
Despairing when I can find no way out; guilt and self-recrimination as my fault I'm in it and my responsibility to change it;
Hopeless and powerless to find or effect those changes;
Envious of co-worker who told her dtr to just quit at same place;
Afraid of confrontation, and feeling guilty about trying to stand up for myself at work, which is ineffective there anyway.
Alone and forgotten, by family, friends, and over-arching, God or a HP, I suppose.
Sad, and anxiety-filled, and mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. Small and alone.
And so I guess, all of it in total, feels unbearable.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oops, missed edit.
And questioning why am I writing this, what does it help, or who does it help? Not my sister, not me.

That guy in the other thread called it 'stoicism', but it's always been the opposite. Painful vulnerability but no use in speaking up, except to indulge in self-pity or egocentricness. Because feelings eventually are irrelevant to reality and limitation of options. I suppose older people or people responsible for others 'get' that more. And there's a lot going on out there that is above and beyond what 'I' feel, or "I' am experiencing or who and what matters. and people suffering greater, or people celebrating more. But I personally feel beyond my own limit.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I'm a bit perplexed and pretty grossed out by one of the thousands of churches in this area that has been meeting under a big tent lately, with no masks, and according to the photos and the crowd I saw, no social distancing.

They're also baptizing people in a river that was tainted long ago by a major chemical company that is clearly marked not to swim in, and if you choose to fish there, they make you aware via signage not to eat anything you catch. Not what I'd call holy water, by any means. How can that be seen as a healing of helpful thing by any stretch of the imagination?

Then I saw a group of folks raising hell at someone who can't wear a mask for medical reasons, as I heard them respond to the group, in the parking lot of a grocery store, calling them hateful names and telling them they must not give a damn about their health or anyone else's since they can't be bothered to wear a mask - as they were all heading across the street to a fast food joint. Speaking of not giving much of a damn about health, overall.

Seems like everywhere I go, the more I see, the less I want to go. There's no place like home.

 

[Lionheart]

Discombobulated. Lack of sleep and fibro pain not helping my focus or my concentration.

I feel guilty about the past and afraid of the future. It is like I heard said once, "You have one foot in the past, one in the future and your pissing all over today." I can't seem to get it together, but I am sure some solid sleep will help me sort myself out.

 

[Rani G2]

Chewed and spit off..
Scrape off and rise..

 

[OldFashionRose]

Restless I think. I want to go someplace and do something and not be in quarantine.
Sad for the world. The sickness, division, rioting, losses. Can we ever recover, and what will it be like?

 

[mumstheword]

Groggy. Tired. Spent. Slightly discouraged, but,that will pass. Underlying solidness and calm. Acceptance.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

The frustration levels with the attorneys and realtor and purchasers of my late mom's property is growing as the weeks/now months pass by.

An issue arose that they initially said would be an easy fix, however, here we are - issue still not fixed.

A great opportunity for a lesson, I suppose, in learning more patience, but it's becoming a quite pricey one as the yard work fees continue - especially with all of this rain as of late, homeowners insurance will soon be due to be renewed - and naturally, it costs more when the dwelling is empty, electric bill still rolling in, etc.

Processes tend to piss me off - most especially when being told one thing by paid professionals who are paid to make it happen smoothly, but the exact opposite seems to be what happens. ?

 

[Lionheart]

I am concerned that although I have the best of intentions, I may not be very helpful to my forum friends. I can only share insight from my own personal experiences and hope that somehow I am helpful. I guess you could say that I am unsure of myself.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Discombobulated.

I love this! Discombobulated was a common word in my family growing up! I think my mother started it. It's a useful term! :)

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Major concern and empathy for many folks in the close-by town I was raised in. There was a major flash flood there last night and, luckily, no human damage was reported, but so many totally lost their businesses, vehicles, and homes.

As if the current covid scene wasn't devastating enough to many of them barely hanging on to keep their small businesses open and operational.

Then today, the morning after that torrential nightmare, the effects of a 5.1 earthquake in North Carolina was felt in the same areas this morning, and beyond.

 

[Tinyflame]

Just trying to get through the day. Not sure what that is, but it's the feeling not the thought I am meaning.

I am so sorry @Tornadic Thoughts . It is so devastating and life-changing. :( :cry: