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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I feel happy and relieved that I told the guy I've been seeing that I'm taking a long holiday from him. I'm also feeling free now that I have the house to myself for the next 6 days.

I feel a little bit bewildered as to why neither of my parents texted me back on christmas when I wished them a happy holiday...but, at the same time, it's a bit like "meh"...no biggie, just weird.

I feel a little vulnerable after starting my trauma diary today.
 
Frustrated with myself. Pushed my limits the past few weeks and suffering the effects last night. It is so hard to balance life right now. I feel as though I should no better and do better.
 
I feel scared .. dreamth that I tried to commit suicide by stabbing myself ... in the nightmare it didn't work because my ribs stopped the pen (yeah pen and not a knife), then I had to explain to everyone why I tried to kill myself. That's the first time I have that theme. If it comes back, I'm going to ask for a rest in a psych ward. Christmas was strange this year. No expensive gifts for the grandchildren - one way or another, no money = no funny ... that went overboard. It was not a capitalist Christmas, but a good family gathering Christmas EXCEPT I was so exhausted. with PSTD, my energy capacity really sucks. I'm always refering to my old self and I spontaneously acte my former self only to realize ... after ... that the result is not the same. Chrissss ça m'écoeur et je suis en taber .... Sorry for the anglophones, but I had to let it out... guess the francophones will understand ... had to be said and it did some good. thanks
 
I almost feel like I shouldn't complain. It was generally a very good holiday but there is always something isn't there.

I was taking my mother-in-law home late Christmas day and she again tried to get me to tell her what is wrong with my wife. Mother-in-law has no idea of the extent of what has transpired. Not really my decision on who to "tell" so I guard my wife's privacy. But her Mom responds like anyone else. Asking if she has done anything wrong, noticing the change in my wife. Just sad really.

This was the first Christmas without my Dad. Went to my sister's last night, who lives right next to Mom and Mom insisted we go over and all go through Dad's stuff and take what we want. So many memento's there. It was not easy at all. So many things that I remember from childhood. Just harder to do, given the holiday timing.

But yet, so many new memories this year, like my grandson insisting my wife and I be the ones to wake him on Christmas morning. And OMG, the way my grandkids respond when they see me! I can't even put it into words.

ISH
 
ISupportHer said:
But yet, so many new memories this year, like my grandson insisting my wife and I be the ones to wake him on Christmas morning. And OMG, the way my grandkids respond when they see me! I can't even put it into words.
ISH
Click to expand...

Ish...I am right there with you on the grandkids. They light up my life!

Our oldest granddaughter took a photography class this year, the students (5th grade) all took posed photos of each other. Our granddaughter bought an 8x10 of herself to give to Papa and I for Christmas. Nobody else got one, just us. Even her parents didn't know what was in it. I cried when I found that out. The photo is phenominal and will be proudly displayed, but what got to me was that she loves and appreciates us so much.

Our kids wanted us to sleep at their house on Christmas Eve so we could be there when our granddaughters woke up. To be loved like that by all of our children and grandchildren...even our daughter in-laws family....

So thankful and blessed.
 

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