I feel horrified by my own thoughts
When life shoves a pile of :poop: our way, it's for sure that we have some frightening thoughts. You're not alone, many are here who will hear you pain. I just learned recently that I have colon cancer, start of stage 4. I am now a permanent stoma wearer. So yes, learning to deal with this changed body. I know there will be days that I will feel exactly like you ... candle burning to send you waves of peace, kindness, hope ...