What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[CraftyCath]

Besides, I can't allow myself to just break down and sob like I really need to

OMG Hope! I feel just this way. I had my T appointment today and I felt so sick and when I felt the tears welling up I just pushed them down again. My T did some tapping but I asked him to stop because I felt 'grossed out,' really yucky and creepy. It wasn't him but I just didn't like how I felt.

Doing so can escalate into terrors, states of feeling totally helpless / abandoned and stuck.

This is how I felt all through the session and have done for months now. I know it relates to me being punished for crying, and feelings of abandonment from childhood. I never know if my feelings are right or wrong because I more or less raised myself. I feel panicky and totally stuck, not moving forward. I have made progress over the last few weeks but I still feel like my emotions, fear, anger, deep sadness, are strangling me.

Sometimes negative reactions to me crying or the crying itself, and/or both, had too often sent me into flashbacks, even rage-like fits (after too much criticism or negative commenting or reactions toward me doing so) and can stir up a dissociative state.

In T today we were trying to deal with disappointment (I can't really handle it in myself) and how my family were disappointed in me. And I sat there trying to recall any compliments, praise or affirmations that were given me as a child. I couldn't remember anything. My t wonders if I have been so used to hearing the criticism that I have filtered out anything good. He did set me up by praising me at one point and I never noticed so perhaps he is right. But allowing myself to cry feels like failure, like being out of control and makes me angry. I know I'm moving forward but it isn't fast enough. I'm frightened. :(

 

[Iam]

Frustrated
Like screaming
Like crying
Like quitting!

Pissed at myself for struggling with being so F'ing thrown by the F'ing "little girl" ego's feelings! I'd like to kill her!

 

[Deleted member 6617]

(((((Iam)))))

 

[Sandra]

Bad pain day for me.

 

[KP the nut]

((((((HUGS)))))) to all who are struggling.

 

[KP the nut]

I feel tired, brain dead, in pain and slightly tipsy:rolleyes:.

Bedtime soon, hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow

 

[KP the nut]

I feel I am struggling. I am so tired. I have had a busy week. My psoriasis is worsening, stress, seeing consultants about the trauma which triggered my PTSD.

Just so tired.

 

[Marie E.]

(((KP)))

 

[Stormy Eagle]

Sooooooo depressed

 

[Saphy]

I'm feeling very lost and ugly!

Oh no I hope I didn't pass the feeling on. It's okay, just think of the things going right in your life. List ten. Trust me if you look closely there will definitely be more than 10 fighting to be on that list! :)

 

[Loloma]

Firstly, all of you that are suffering in any way my thoughts are with you. ((((((HUGS))))) for all.

I am feeling better every day, always sluggish in the morning but that's the way it is. Keeping busy and finding distractions takes away a lot of the psychological pain. Being constantly sad is so debilitating and gives me IBS.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Feeling calmer. Have tried to relax and rest today. Think i really need to recharge my batteries. I need to stay calm and not panic about everything, which I keep doing and I don't know how to stop. Need to take baby steps but need to see I am moving forward, otherwise I panic. Fear is my big enemy. But don't know how to stop being scared.