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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Hugs for those that need them.

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I am feeling slightly off today. Most of the pain is gone leaving me very tired with a ton of things to do today. I'm a little afraid of myself today. Walking eggshells with myself :ninja:
 
I'm feeling like no matter what I do, I will never escape my childhood. That poison is inside me, killing me slowly. No matter where I turn I come back to it, because it is there inside me. It is too endemic, my mother did too good a job. You would have to rip every internal organ out of me and replace them with new ones to get rid of that poison. And it would still be in my brain. I can't escape ever.
 
I feel as if most of me want to scream abuse at myself for staying in bed sleeping until 2pm and yet there is a small part of me which is shouting, be kind to yourself, you needed the rest. I had awful nightmares for most of the night, I kept dreaming I was in a fire station, being triggered by flashbacks and panic attacks, unable to breathe.

H is an angel and decided to leave me to sleep as he thought I needed it. He did shopping and usual Saturday chores himself. I feel blessed that after 31 years he still watches out for me.

I feel as if I want to rip my skin off, it is so sore and itchy.
 
(((Cath & Sazza)))

Thank you. I have achieved something anyway. I have just walked the dogs, it does lift my spirit. It is the Christmas lights switch on in our town tonight. As a town councillor I should be there, but I gave my apologies as I can't 'do' crowds.

I am taking my H to and from his Christmas party later. Driving at night will be a challenge. It will save on the cost of a taxi and is my way of saying thankyou to him.
 

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