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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

((((((((((((((Junebug)))))))))))))))((((((((((((((((Deb))))))))))))))))(((((((((((Charmedone)))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((Anyone else suffering and could use a hug)))))))))))))))))

I'm exhausted this morning. I woke up wide awake last night and it took quite awhile to go back to sleep, not unusual but it made it more difficult to get up this morning knowing that first thing there would be strangers all outside my place for hours. I got both dogs walked to hopefully get them more relaxed but they're like me, they DO NOT like strangers on the roof, using loud machines, and just generally invading our space :ninja:.

We'll get through it...
 
i feel sad, alone, confused, iritated, on edge, paranoid, pain and depressed....

Sad because i have to come to work and leave my kids at daycare.
i'm working alone again...
I am confused of what life has become.
Iritated of everyone around me being so careless of what they say and do.
On edge as i am about to see(monday) my ex husband face to face for the first time since he's been locked up for what he did to me(3 months).
Paranoid of everyone around me, who can i trust? really? no one in my mind...
My whole body aches and i'm so depressed, i don't seem to have one positive thougt in my head.
 
I woke up and I was feeling ok. I have anxiety now. But I can deal with it. I will be ok. I am trying to wake up. I am tired because I stayed up late. I want to feel better. I am trying to cope with the anxiety. It comes and goes. I hope it passes away. So I feel hopeful too.
 
Thank you Rain, ((((Hugs)))) to you, ((((Deb)))), ((((Prime-no)))), ((((Chantal)))), (((((all who could use support)))). Chantal, I am so sorry, must you see him face to face? :(

It occurred to me, that funny saying someone posted: "Before you think you have bad self-esteem, make sure you aren't surrounded by a**holes!" Which makes me laugh, actually, and feel somewhat better. Some people do act like arseholes, actually.

But on the other hand, I realize something too. I have been too forgiving, or at least always internalizing what others do (or don't), I try to give them the reason, or excuse, or break. That sounds harmless enough, until I realize sometimes people are just not very nice people, and/ or it also equates to not hearing what they're saying (or saying with their silence). That is, I've been so busy seeing it from their angle (so I thought), I've missed the implicit messages, ie. "Take a hike". I wish people would just speak the truth instead of playing guessing games. It's like, "Can I buy a vowel for 400$, Alex", geez, really.

I could say it's my own bad self-esteem, except for one question I ask myself: if the situation were reversed, how would they feel, what would they think? And I know what the answer is. And they don't have ptsd. And they have good self-esteem.

So I feel sad, enlightened, foolish, a little disappointed, slow to learn, regret, eyes-opened, tired,, re-evaluating in the light of current understanding.
 
I guess I've been 'getting it', more and more all along. But without recognizing or acknowledging that some people are arseholes, or just don't care, it was never possible to put the pieces together quite right. And what's ironic is, in my defense of them, I'm the one who ends up or ended up feeling badly. I don't want to feel badly anymore.

Then again, who cares? I'm not exactly a 'gem' all the time myself. Live and learn, cut it out of my life and carry on, hardly matters, except as a learning experience to not repeat, to be not so stupid next time.
 
(((HUGS))) to all who need a hug. :hug::hug:

I feel proud of what I have achieved today. OK, nothing huge and earth shattering, but I have done what I set out to do and in a short while I will go do another community car journey, taking a lady to a hospital appointment.

I was unsure how I would feel today after having a back molar extracted yesterday. However apart from some tenderness, the pain is manageable.
 

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