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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I've been having the best day! Lots of energy and since I sold my stethoscope and ophthalmoscope yesterday, have now bought a brand new (yippee) wireless printer in addition to the refurbished laptop. I opened the windows and doors to let the fresh air come through and it smells great.

My thinking is a bit more clear today, and I'm on the verge of being able to concentrate enough to organize - something I used to be good at and enjoyed. Twenty years ago, I organized, stocked and staffed 3 different remote rural satellite clinics - on my own. Three years ago, I stood in the living room of the apartment I was losing, and was not able to organize my stuff into a garbage pile and a storage pile - I just stood there with a bag in my hands and simply could not think.

Right in the middle of feeling good this afternoon, I started to get really tense and feel aware of my heart beating fast. WHY OH WHY DOESN'T IT FEEL GOOD TO FEEL HAPPY?! That's just nuts; it makes no sense. And I have always been like that. :confused:
 
Well I was feeling Ok today. Went to my chiro and then onto the GP. Had about an hour before the GP appointment so decided to take my 5 year old with me to the cafe nearby.

I ask her what she wants and she wants hot chocolate. So then I ask her if she wants some raisin toast with the hot chocolate and she says, "no I will have the raisin toast without the hot chocolate."

So then I suggested she could have both if she wanted and she answers me very loudly so everyone in the whole cafe could hear:

"Well if I had hot chocolate and raisin toast then I might get a big fat tummy like yours from eating too much!"

I must be in a good mood today because that would have mortified me on other days. This time I saw the humour and sucked my stomach in very hard as I walked out of the cafe after she finished her hot chocolate and toast and I wished I had ordered a double vodka!
 
I feel very stressed out because there is a lot of tension aroung me. I feel afraid that this tensions will finally become attacks against me. I fear that people are against me because of little things I did wrong. I interpretate their reactions, their lack of smiles or any behaviour as it is was directed against me.

I feel week and exposed to possible harm. I feel that it is impossible to fight these thoughts of fear.
 

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