OK., Solara-Here's honesty...if they're threatening to ban you for venting...that sucks. Really. That's what PTSD sufferers need to do, and if a forum for them won't allow it...then WTF?
I don't know how to get it out! I can't tell anyone-----I can't burden them like that. I don't have anyone to talk to. I just want to disappear. I don't think anyone would notice and if they did they wouldn't care :(
I don't have anyone to talk to either, (though I've met someone on this forum, in fact, that has made a night/day difference, in that respect)...but I too don't feel as though I can vent for the most part, either here, or with anyone else in general. I have things to vent about like the fact that my father was a CIA operative, and what that put me through during my childhood. Doesn't exactly make people feel comfortable. Therapists, included.
But honestly--I'd notice and care, if you disappeared. Really. I've appreciated your posts here, you're one of the most regular, honest, and down-to-earth members, in my opinion. Even if it's not always "touchy feely". And I appreciate that, for one.
Don't see the troughs as the average amplitude of the wave. It's tough when you're in one--I know. But if no one cares if you disappear...you just have the wrong people. They're out there. Whether you have to physically move, or "dispositionally move"--they are out there. I, myself, have been told numerous times "You need to find your people. Go find your people." Not the best thing to hear...but honest, and correct. And while few and far between, they're out there. You just have to look, to find them.
I know about the problem of moderators taking issue with posts, though--personally. I got a similar reaction from a moderator when posting to a sister-site (mysexualabuse). People have to protect their "bread and butter"...and it's never easy to realize how far they'll go to do so, I suppose. I'd describe it, but it would probably get me banned. Their "questionable" post was somehow magically erased after I eviscerated it, and the party responsible.
All the best, and thank you, truly, for your participation here, and honesty.