Feeling hungry, strange, a bit floaty like I may be dissociating. Starting to realize that experiences where I have categorized as 'just having sex' with certain males was actually me being manipulated into sex I didn't want to have...which is non-consensual sex that I felt unable to say no to at the time!
I feel disorientated and weak, confused, irate, dismissed, rejected. Tense in my left shoulder area...spacey. Aching in a particular spot there. Disliking most men intensely right now. Broken, disturbed, empty, careless, dead inside, betrayed, vulnerable, fragile, volatile, menstrual and strangely detached. Really upset. I feel small, stupid, unsure if I did the right thing by sharing some secrets and personal traumatic experiences with a male friend but felt safe at the time to, and have received supportive words and non-judgement from as a result.
Having suicidal thoughts, feeling worthless and used. Feeling damaged and hopeless about it. Not sure what to do about work...still feeling burnt out but a bit more refreshed after a night of meditation and female company. Remorse? Starting to register to magnitude of sexual assaults and incidences of male entitlement I've experienced just in the time I've lived in Melbourne...telling everyone how great it is here, which it is in many ways, but also I've had so many other scary experiences as a result of being on my own, vulnerable and without many friends...or any real friends. Feeling deluded, unsure. Angry at myself. Despairing, revolted, ridiculed(?) I feel sick. Repulsed and low.
Unsure how I ended up in this place? Overwhelmed and like I need to scream. Feeling hurt.
I feel disorientated and weak, confused, irate, dismissed, rejected. Tense in my left shoulder area...spacey. Aching in a particular spot there. Disliking most men intensely right now. Broken, disturbed, empty, careless, dead inside, betrayed, vulnerable, fragile, volatile, menstrual and strangely detached. Really upset. I feel small, stupid, unsure if I did the right thing by sharing some secrets and personal traumatic experiences with a male friend but felt safe at the time to, and have received supportive words and non-judgement from as a result.
Having suicidal thoughts, feeling worthless and used. Feeling damaged and hopeless about it. Not sure what to do about work...still feeling burnt out but a bit more refreshed after a night of meditation and female company. Remorse? Starting to register to magnitude of sexual assaults and incidences of male entitlement I've experienced just in the time I've lived in Melbourne...telling everyone how great it is here, which it is in many ways, but also I've had so many other scary experiences as a result of being on my own, vulnerable and without many friends...or any real friends. Feeling deluded, unsure. Angry at myself. Despairing, revolted, ridiculed(?) I feel sick. Repulsed and low.
Unsure how I ended up in this place? Overwhelmed and like I need to scream. Feeling hurt.
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