What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[ms spock]

I feel so perplexed.

I am not dissociating right now and that is rather good.

I put a load of washing on.

 

[fly away home]

I put the music up loud and danced. I'm feeling better for it.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I've been going up and down all day. And right now I feel depressed.

 

[desiderata310]

Empty *shrug*. Maybe depressed? Unmotivated.

I left work early and considering calling in sick tomorrow because I'm just freaking tired of fighting. It really was a difficult day and the longer I stayed at work, the worse my day got. I finally threw in the towel about 3 and left. I thought being out on the bike would help but.. not so much. ZERO desire to go to therapy tomorrow. I know I have to deal with the email I sent on Sunday to my therapist and I am not really interested in dealing with.. all THAT.

I WANT to get drunk but honestly, getting up and getting drink takes more effort than I can put forth at the moment.

Maybe this will all pass and I'll feel like going to work and "fighting the good fight" tomorrow...

 

[ms spock]

Yeah I feel okay.

 

[shell]

Today has been a positive day, I coped well at work when I had to do my job and half of someones job because they are on holidays.

Today I am feeling positive and each day there are times when I am starting to really appreciate the improvements therapy has made in my life.

When my son total me he had won his swimming races at his first high school carnival I felt happy and proud and relieved that he hadn't been humilated..

Today I am happy that I didn't give up on life.

 

[macca]

Ok, this is weird, but I'm still doing better overall than I was. It's lasted a few days now. I think the 3 year old part of me has benefited from "telling" my mother about the suspected abuse, and having some validation. I was suicidal for about a week, and then something lifted. Still some anxiety, jumpiness and nightmares, but the low mood is only mild now rather than severe. Looking forward to discussing all this with my T tomorrow, first visit since I the "telling".

 

[therisa]

Find myself, in a nasty combination of feelings: anxious, frustrated, exhausted and scared. For I have to travel during the tail end of the morning rush hour traffic, to an appointment with my nurse practitioner, and a very nasty winter storm is about to strike here. During the appointment, I want to find out, how my mini-psych assessment went, in regards, to starting a new drug, in dealing with my anxiety and whether or not, it will impact upon my lifelong fight with depression, and any possible side-effects. Maybe, it will allow me, to get a normal nights sleep, without the constant waking up, every 3 or 4 hours.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I am very anxious today. I can't sit still. I have had an easing of the pain, but I can't go back to sleep until I drive my son to school. Surgeon's orders. Yesterday I worked on clearing out all unused stuff and gave an almost brand new bike to my neighbor.I'm not allow to ride a bike anymore. I will continue to do this today, while also working on the garden as much as my back permits.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I'm angry that my therapist called in sick. Again. That's 3 times in November the week before last and today. I hope she's not seriously sick. It does still make me angry. I can't help that.

 

[Philippa]

I was thinking of you getting some support from real life or online people rather than men who are trying to manipulate you for sex.

Ok, except I don't look for support from men who try to manipulate me for sex. The men in my past who did this were not people I were trying to get support from with my issues, or emotional support. I look to my friends online and my therapist in real life if I need support in some way.

There was one man a few years ago who I did turn to for cuddles, out of feeling an unhealthy lack of human contact, but I never sought support from him per say. He was certainly not equipped to help me emotionally.

The other men who manipulated me...or who I allowed to manipulate me, I did not seek support from at all. We met, we talked, I was asked if I wanted a massage in one case, and the next thing I know I was in his tent with him on top of me...but I did not reach out to any of them for support of any kind.

I thought when you talked about males manipulating you into sex you didn't really want to have that was giving away too much away Philippa, but perhaps I misunderstood your comment.

No, I think I misunderstood what you meant Ms Spock. I thought you were speaking about giving away too much about MYSELF, not giving too much away sexually. My apologies. These were all incidences that occurred many years ago though...not recently. The sexual experiences I've had recently were consensual and I did want to be with them.

I am aware that having compassion for myself is something I can always improve at, but I honestly think I am getting better at it. Valuing myself more is something I probably could do, and it was something I was reflecting on recently before you mentioned this, so, i"m working on it.

My external relationships with men seem to be reflecting back to me better quality of men, though I still do mess up sometimes.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

A little frantic. Triggered. Something. I just heard there was an explosion in New York and 2 buildings came down. I can't reach my brother. It's too much like September 11th. I'm so scared.