What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[Jawn]

We're here to pick you up Jadebear. Hang in there.

Jawn

 

[curiouser]

Jadebear those people are in for a surprise because you will get back up, I agree with Jawn, hang in there. (((hugs)))

 

[Deleted member 5760]

Awww jadebear - I'm having a bit of a crappy night too. And you know what, nothing set it off. I had therapy today and it was a good session. I just spent an amazing weekend with my new partner. Maybe it's 'good stress'. But I'm wide awake and probably overtired. And frankly, I could just have a bit of a cry. Explain that... *shrugs* .. I suppose having a little bit of a teary (I couldn't cry buckets - maybe just a few little soft tears) beats numbness.

 

[seedling]

Feeling overwhelmed today. Everything's happening in relation to my son's situation and I've spent the last three weeks being strong and dealing with it. The last three sessions, too. No time for me, depressed.
One of those "how do I put up with this all the time" days.

 

[curiouser]

Feeling Lucky, I'm alive, and I have people who care about me. Reading this forum today reminded me of that.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Jadebear...definately hugging you...not kicking...hugging and holding on to you and crying for your pain. Hold on and know you are going to get over this bad spot. You are so worth the battle!

Seedling...take five minutes for yourself. It doesn't sound like much, but it can give you a small break. Do something for yourself. You deserve it and need to refuel to keep going. It wll help in the long run! You have been so supportive to me in posts, wish I could be so for you!

Curiouser.....DITO!

 

[James B.]

Got up, and felt very good today. No caffeine. Drove 40 miles to the DMV, low stress, no triggers. Took some raw almonds, sunflower seeds, carrots an avocado and some vitamin C with me. And water. No breakfast; just water, 2 fish oil caps and a 5-HTP. Renewed my license at the DMV. Then drove 10 more miles to a check cashing place, deposited a check. Never been to either of these places before.

Blasted back 50 miles on I-10: no triggers. Felt sociable, stable and aware. Low stress. Stopped at the spa on the way home. Ate my avocado, did a bunch of hot-cold water immersion, flopped in the sun like a beached whale. LOL. Drove home, ate a large Ceasar salad, took a nap. Not sure how long since caffeine, feeling very good and looking forward to my tapping sessions here at home this PM.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Awesome James!

 

[Sethe]

Today I feel like I'm screaming on the inside with no way to be heard or understood on the outside.

My soul is aching. It's yearning to be released from this painful existence. Yet it's doomed to remain here.

I feel broken and defeated. I feel like I've completely hit rock bottom and people are kicking me in the head to make sure I don't even try to get back up this time even if I wanted to.

Hang in there Jadebear. You are not alone.

 

[Jade-]

Jadebear those people are in for a surprise because you will get back up

Thanks for saying that curiouser. It stuck in my mind after I read it and today I'm ready to get back up and kick them in the head.:wink:

 

[Michel]

I'm feeling strange today - numb maybe, but I think just altogether ready to "move on." Very good news lately - my son left his abusive dad's home. This change led me to try again (as I have been doing for 16 years) to figure out how to "deal with" his vicious (and probably insane) father. (I think when a person is vicious enough, it's really hard for the layperson to tell whether it's illness or evil at the heart of it.) I started failing again, as I always do when I try to figure out what a person should do with the information that someone is as my ex-husband is. I still have no idea. Someday, someone's going to have to tell me. I ended up calling my ex-husband and saying, "You have been abusing my son for a long time [with rage, physical intimidation, gaslighting] and you had been abusing me for a long time [ditto + sexual assault]. I hate you. And if there is never justice for what you've done, I will hate you for as long as I live."

I feel neither better nor worse, and as I said those words I scarcely felt all the anger I have been dealing with in therapy, nor the fear. I felt nothing. I felt like it hardly mattered anymore. Do I hate him? I think he is a hideous human being, but I don't think I actually do hate him. I don't think I care enough. Now that my son is out, I guess I can stop being moved by that desparate feeling that I have to protect or save my son. And my son is so emotionally and psychologically healthy and strong. (Thank God.) Toward his father, now, I can't seem to find a feeling.

Before we talked about his moving out, my son and I talked and talked about his father, about our experiences of living with him. He said it was good to hear me describe what really only the two of us have first-hand knowledge of, and it was good for me too to feel completely understood, to hear what my son's experience has been, and to know that I was able to make him feel completely understood. Best of all, we were able to be funny and laugh in the midst of these long and very serious conversations!

And it feels strange to feel so little about the monster who has caused so much pain. I hope it means that sometime soon I will be able to start trying to build a new life.

 

[intothelight]

I am so tired, because I can't sleep. It would be nice to wake up one morning without a racing heart and brain. Why does my mind go bonkers so darn early?

Oh well, it is something I have to live with for right now.