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I feel so conflicted. I had a bad nightmare last night which is haunting me, but putting me in touch with present day feelings.
It is so hard to begin to practice the new skill of encouraging myself and I am feeling so frustrated. Going to keep busy today to keep my mind occupied.
At the end of my rope. Defeated. Unsure how I will ever progress with building self worth when I keep having people in my reality treating me like I don't matter? miserable. Crushed. Sad.
Last night I woke up to my cat puking. That set me on a course of anxiety. So I took a seroquel. That may have calmed me down enough to sleep, but the residual feelings are not good. I just want to sleep. I can't. I need to be a participant in this life. One down day in a group of up days is not bad. I just hate it, but I will ride it out.
I woke up feeling happy and am not hurting so much anymore. I took full responsibility for a bad choice I made and am paying the consequences now. Made a new boundry and limit and did not make that mistake again and I feel so proud of myself. Going to have to weed another so called friend out of my life and I feel scared ot any drama that may result.
Grieving over a bad choice I made with a friend I will soon fade out of my life. I am really hurting although I realize that some lessons are painful and costly, I will not be making that mistake ever again.