@BOAG - Yeah!!!! Congratulations from a fellow traveler going down recovery road! VB
It's been an odd week. I think I have a lot to be grateful for, but don't think it's going to come out in a cohesive way, so if you're up for a read, here we go. I think, at the end of the day, I'm realizing that I have people to whom I can turn and who I can help when one or the other of us isn't distracted by our own everyday stuff. I also have options for healing and for support, even if I don't have a therapist. Maybe what I need right now is to learn to create a life for myself while defining who I am in this big old thing we call the World.
I'm grateful that I have some people in my life with whom I can share openly about my faith. Just right out there - speaking the same language of love and not feeling vulnerable about it, just feeling good and honest, and emotionally/mentally/spiritually hugged. I also realize that I have the option of returning to church when I am ready and that there are resources for me there and people who will accept and care about me, even if only in the moment when we speak, when I am ready.
I am very grateful for my faith and how it sustains me even when I'm seeking the bottom of a bottle or bag of chips. My higher power just won't let go, never has. It's kind of amazing and definitely awesome. A never-ending unconditional love for this flawed child. Gratitude isn't a strong enough word to describe how thankful I am. You just don't know.
I'm also grateful that I was able to have coffee with three of my former colleagues/friends from where we used to work. To spend some time together and not be alone, even if most of what they talked about were their children. I guess I could've talked about my little furry stuffed children?! We did talk a lot about employment as one friends has hit the ledge with her job and another is just struggling as to what to do, so I made some suggestions and promised that I'd speak with my agency tomorrow to see if they could be of assistance.
I'm glad that I have a temporary job to go to tomorrow though am feeling a bit trepidatious for a number of reasons. I'm grateful that I was able to reach out to others about some aspects of my concerns, especially this document they want me to sign if I go perm. I gained a lot of insight and support. Good to acknowledge that I really do have people to call on, even my dad. (I need to work on that "even my dad" business)
That I have someone, in particular, where I see our relationship going deeper. She knows me very well, I think, although we don't see each other very often or call because she has family obligations, but she knows a bit about how and who I am, and can really talk to me on my level, seeing my anxiety and concern when I'm facing adversity. Definitely on my side when fighting with the stupidity of everyday life issues, i.e. insurance companies, care providers, etc...
Also, that I reached out to someone who has been MIA since March and asked her to get together for lunch and she was very enthusiastic, and for her husband's help re: a car issue. He called me last night and I feel more confident in moving forward although it will cost me a lot that I don't really have.
Also, lastly, I had someone I've known for 40 years (wow, do I feel old) call me last evening in a state of rage and despair. So, I was able to share some of the skills and restructured thinking I've been working on in my healing with her to help her calm herself and perhaps open a window in her mind just a tinch to let in some possible alternatives. As we also share the same faith, I offered that she might pick up a particular devotional that I find very gentle and most inspiring. She thanked me and told me she loved me.
Also, that I was able to switch gears between 2 interviews on Friday and deal with taking care of my mom during lunch. It was a very intense hour of conversations with her physical therapist, care manager, and then the unit manager at her facility wherein I had to give implicit instructions to him. Wow, why are they getting $6K a month? Someone remind me! One last bit of gratitude - that my mom had the insight to buy long-term care insurance.
In the end, maybe I'm just grateful that I stepped up and reached out for myself and that someone reached back in real-time. And, that others reached out to me in real-time and that I was able to help them, and to show compassion and care in the process. I also received a great deal of support, many hugs (I don't remember the last time I was touched in that way), was able to help others and am seeing a bit more light. Oh, and I received my first reimbursement check from the insurance carrier I've been fighting with - yeah for the Dept. of Insurance for setting a fire under their sorry behinds! Sorry for the book! VB
