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What Are You Thinking?

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I am thinking that this will be a good thing that there is now a privacy fence between my new neighbor and myself. I will just have to get used to it.

Just a lot of thinking going on right now as I still remember what it was like with the former neighbor lady when I went out in my backyard.

Now, maybe this change will help me to let go of more of that anxiety that I felt when she still lived here.
 
I'm thinking I'm going to go talk to my mom. I'm having a hard time finding the words I'm comfortable saying.

I'm still hurt by what she said. I'm not ok with it. But this silent treatment is going on too long and the only way to make it stop is for me to approach her.

I just can't figure out what to say. If I had responsibility to take I'd take it and I'd apologize to her. I've had to do that before. This time it was her and she's not going to approach me. I feel like I don't have many other choices. It's up to me to approach her or this is going to keep going. I don't like it that it feels like this is all on me to fix.
 
I'm thinking that though my husband and I respond alike in regards to something with my son, my son takes his anger out on me. Why is that? How is it I am the bad guy? Always. I'm not exaggerating. What do I do differently that provokes this behavior? And it does get ugly. I don't understand it.
 
I'm so glad that I am not the only one. I totally feel the same way at times with the first couple posts about being in the hospital. Sometimes I wish that the lower half of one of my legs was blown off so I have a physical wound that people can see and understand that I'm not like the average person.

I also think that the world at least people in the states needs to stop judging people that have PTSD and not think that we are going to try and hurt them or that we will freak out on them all the time.
 
I'm thinking that I am very grateful that I do not fight with my youngest son. He has so far been easy. He is 16. Not that we haven't had arguments. We have. They just never get cruel like his brothers does. Right now I appreciate the youngest more then the oldest. I would never say that to either of them. But that is what I am thinking now. Does that make me a bad mom? I don't know.
 
Im thinking that even though I belive its impossible that a person can care about me. That there is most probably more than 1 that does.

That fear hold me from being able to live with joy in my life.

That Molly has already been of huge service to me in being calmer around people. ( Molly is my puppy)

That at times I feel ok and am just to dam scared to admit it because I know it will go away.

That my brain still drives me at times and that I have come a far way but still have a far way to travel.
 
I'm thinking how this process at work to get ride of some equipment should be easy and simple but instead is difficult and complicated... and I have been working on figuring it out for a week now but found an e-mail address and hopefully it won't take them two weeks to respond...
 
I am thinking that I am avoiding thinking that something might really be wrong with my back. Not helpful. Man oh man, so I'm gonna follow up and not procrastinate and hope the first opinion was the right one. If it's not, I'll be managing the anticipatory stress til we know for sure.
 
I'm thinking I really don't like it when I'm in my room laying on my side on my bed and my mom walks in to talk to me and she reaches out and pats me on my backside. I really don't like it. It makes me so uncomfortable. I know she doesn't mean anything by it but it still triggers things for my PTSD.
 
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