Relationship What Can I Do?

[lisa1979]

My PTSD suffering bf is also a cocaine addict. He has been clean for three months now. He was due to go into rehab last month for six months but because he had done so well by himself he said he would do better from home. It was a big risk as the opportunity wouldnt likely come up again but his whole attitude had changed and he was really positive. He promised to go to all his meetings, counselling and the motivation classes and fill his week up so he would be getting the same help as rehab but able to come home to me and his kids eeveryday. I told him even one sniff of cocaine and me and the kids would be gone because he gave up on a massive opportunity and it was now his resposibility.

He is going through a lot of things atm including claiming compensation for the abuse from when he was a child that caused the PTSD and he is very stressed. The classes and counselling lasted two weeks! He says he isnt in the mood...which is what I told him would happen and he insisted he would go anyway....and if I bring it up he just gets furious and im treated like the insensitive one who doesnt understand. I went away to visit my family for a week and he admitted he was tempted to take drugs and would have but for someone convincing him it was a bad idea.

He is so angry and stressed atm and is pushing ppl away...he said something so utterly offensive to his mum yesterday and I told him it was out of order and we havent spoken since...hes decided he ia cutting his sister out of his life and has, yet again, cut his hands up after punching a brick wall.

I dont know what to do, he is already pushing me away and making out like im the enemy and all I can see is him going back into the same pattern as before with the drugs. I cant have my children in that environment anymore but at the same time they adore him and he adores them...plus I am completely and utterly in love with him and dont want to live without him.

He had an injury to his face a couple years ago and feels like he has been let down by the nhs as ye is still in pain and wants private care...he has mentioned he wants me to find someone to go guarantaur on one of these ridiculously priced tv loans as he has run out of ppl...feel like he is basing whether or not he loses control on whether or not I can find someone. I have no one who would be willing for thia type of loan but he dont seem to believe that.

My head is so battered, I am stressed and run down and I dont know what to do. I need advice!!! Thank you for listening to my babble, sorry there is so much info!! X

 

[Sweetpea76]

First of all, I wouldn't try to get any kind of loan for him. Now is not the time to be making financial obligations, especially with him teetering on the edge.

Secondly, I'd stick to my guns about the drugs too... seriously. Your kids don't need to see that, no matter how much you love him. Do you want your kids growing up seeing their father high and dependent on coke?

Is he getting any kind of help for his PTSD specifically? You mentioned meetings and stuff for his addiction, but nothing about treatment or therapists. The combination of addiction and PTSD is a volatile one, and there are doctors and places that specifically deal with that.

 

[lisa1979]

I wont get a loan for him, its not fair on anyone and we owe out more than enough. I will stick by my ultimatum, its just hard cos I know I have to and it would be so easy for him to make that decision for me by giving in....he's done so well and it would break my heart for him to risk losing us like that.

He isnt getting help for the PTSD directly, he has to get a referral througg his doctor and he hates all of the NHS right now and so hasnt been to a doctor in a while.

I spoke to him after writing this post yesterday and he agreed he needs the help, that he is close to the edge and losing it (the last time he lost it I was away and he smashed up my whole house). He has agreed to go and speak to someone before it gets worse and is going tomorrow. I have told him he needs to be consistent and keep going and he agreed. He said the groups dont help him, that he comes away feeling more depressed after hearing all their stories and that that was one of the reasons he didnt want to do rehab. So we are going to try and find out if he can just do one on one and he tends to come away a little lighter once he has vented to someone. Fingers crossed we get back on the right path again. X