What can i do

[Casey_03]

Can you help me understand why things would be better back in the Ukraine? I remember you struggling with not having help there as well. I know the economy is different...but how would things be easier there? Maybe writing it out would help you feel clearer about going/not going.

I did complain a lot while I was there about not having any support, but I think my overall mood/perception was affected by the fact that I had not visited home in more than five years at that time. So in my head, "home" was a place where I'd have a great support network and everything would be great (grass is always greener kind of thinking). I missed home; I missed some of my relatives. Since I've moved back, however, I realize I don't have any more support here than I had there. The only advantage is that my son can see his aunt and his grandpa if/when we are able to make the trip to pay a visit. Which is great, of course, but those visits don't happen very often. Ultimately, I am starting to think maybe I should have only visited home, rather than fully relocating.

I don't know. The main reason I think things were/would be easier there is because it's so much cheaper to survive there, in all respects. Rent is cheaper, food is cheaper, medical care is affordable (albeit maybe not at such a high standard as in the U.S.). Most importantly, nannies are affordable. I had an arrangement tentatively lined up with a trained nurse who was moonlighting as a nanny. She was asking for about $3 a day. THAT I could actually afford. Here, however, I can't even afford to hire a babysitter.

 

[hithere]

I haven't read all these posts, but I read one that said itt's ok to have a baby left alone in a room with toys. A toddler... um, NO IT ISN"T. AT ALL. Just thought of putting a toddler in a room alone makes my childhood abuse alarms go off I can relate to what you are going through, only it sounds like I had a little bit more money--I had three kids, worked a PR job from a tiny house, one a toddler... it was almost impoissbile. It paid my housing and food bill though. that's it. yet there were many moments of joy,too. Being completely alone with no neighborhood friend to stop by or no mom's group to stop in... now that sounds completely overwhelming to me. I hope you can get help!!!

 

[hithere]

one more thing, I know a young single mom who works a minimum wage job and has her child in day care and the government pays for her childcare. There is no way at her pay she could afford childcare and I asked why she even worked. Yet thi sprogram exists. I don't think it just in our state, though I know each state takes federral welfare programs and administers them differently. I know my state gives a lot more money for housing, education, food, programs than Florida does. Perhaps you'd qualify for this assistance of subsidized childcare. ? If you work from home, a teenager babysitting while you are there sounds safe enough and helpful also. Again I hope you can get some help. Just a few hours each day would be so beneficial for you. Living in community is much easier. I was lucky I had a faith community and bunch of young moms that helped each other. I think it was probably a very rare and unique experience. I hope you can find a community of some kind--it doesn't have to be religious at all--i hope you meet someone who already has a few friends in a community that you're comfortable with.. That would be awesome. You could form a babysitting co-op with them. Hopeing the best for you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

(he's got tons of toys to distract himself with, little cars, a playpen, a bouncy thing, etc), but he doesn't/can't stay focused on any one thing for more than 3-5 minutes, so I still end up having to tend to him constantly.

The idea of independant play/deep play is that when kids have a ton of toys they can't stay focused long because there is always something else to look at and play with so they say to give your child one or two toys and then they really play with it and they aren't just throwing it aside because another toy looks cooler.

Again, not saying it would work but it maybe something to try once and see if it holds his attention longer.

What I'd also do is try to find some moms on the internet. Maybe a mom specific forum or two to also be on where everyone is a mom, everyone is at different ages, 1st child or 15th, moms that have mental disorders and moms that don't and where you can get some support like you do here but for parenting. Just an idea to help you gain some support in this specific area since, I think, you said there were no mom specific groups near you.

 

[joeylittle]

The idea of independant play/deep play is that when kids have a ton of toys they can't stay f...

All due respect @lostforgottensoul, but defending this idea of 'deep play' when @Casey_03 has been clear that it's not a solution for her child, is utterly irrelevant.

Move on from it or I'll ban you from the thread.

 

[Heather]

Have you looked into care 4 kids Casey? You have to apply and once all paperwork is done they will pay for a baby sitter/childcare.

Its based on income so you may have to pay a portion or nothing at all.

You said you receive food stamps. I'm sure you'll qualify for this program as well.

Hope this helps.

 

[Casey_03]

Thanks @Heather I just looked up Care 4 Kids, and I'm guessing it must be a local program in your state, cause the only thing showing up in my state is private daycare centers with similar names. I did apply through the state childcare program here, but I'd have to pay $100 a month for a copay. That's cheap, and might eventually be doable, but I still can't swing that right now unless I stop paying my student loans -- and if I do that, they seize my dad's house (he co-signed).

I put my feelers out and asked my landlord if she knew of any resources through her church, so am waiting to hear back about that, and maybe she'll have good news.

 

[Scarlet13]

Hi just wanted to comment about student loans. You can put them on hold for up to a year or more and there are also income based repayment plans. This might free up money for childcare at 100 dollars a month. I literally did this when I had my son and I was on unpaid leave that came out of my paycheck even after I went back to work and had to pay for childcare.
Unfortunately you are going to need to pay something for childcare especially if you want something safe and reliable for your son. Is it at all poss to look for a better, more high paying job? You sound like you have a lot of skills. Or if you cant get a roommate perhaps you could move in with someone else to try to save money on rent, maybe there is something that would be even 100 dollars a month cheaper and that is safe for your son like renting the basement in a family home. Rent is super expensive in my area and there are many good families that are doing this. I don't know there are always ways and options. But I can get how hard this is.

 

[LuckiLee]

I wish I lived by you. I'd babysit that little bugger for you!!

Do you know ANY mom's in your area yet? The barter system could work. I'll watch your kid if you watch mine.

Sorry you're struggling so much!! Praying for you and your little one!! XO